


Cardiovascular Standstills and Sudden Awakenings

by monbebemuseum



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: ChanBaek - Freeform, M/M, Mental Abuse, Mental Health Issues, Out of Character, Short Chapters, age change, cursing, extremely light angsty, part of the original no.mercy line up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-05-16
Packaged: 2019-03-05 00:08:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 29,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13375953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monbebemuseum/pseuds/monbebemuseum
Summary: When a sudden change occurs in the line up of Monsta X, Kihyun and Changkyun are brought to the boys in a mixture of chance and their friend Seokwon. This fic displays a set of seven boys coming together and falling in love, starting out as two and ending as seven. Though fasted paced, maintaining feelings of rawness and love are never a problem. Here is, "Cardiovascular Standstills and Sudden Awakenings."-the reason this is tagged as underage is because Changkyun and Kihyun are teens within the first chapter but after that Kihyun exits teenage years and Changkyun is a later teen. <3





	1. The Introduction and Simplistic Meetings

**Author's Note:**

> started; 9.5.17 at five fifty-three pm
> 
> finished; 1.14.18 at five fifty-three pm

  "Kihyunnnnie! Changkyunnnnnie! I've got news, wake up." A pounding came from the front door, Seokwon's highly pitched voice seeping though the crack and reaching the two boys' sleeping figures. Changkyun blinked a couple times, rubbing his eye sockets with an effortless amount of strength. Pulling his limbs away from his shorter - _"bUT DON'T YOU FORGET I'M OLDER THAN YOU LIM CHANGKYUN"_ \- companion. Companion, not partner. Childhood friends, yes, but not partner. Jujun Elementary, Midsummer Middle, Sacrimento High, UCA, now sharing an apartment together outside of Seoul. They've never been separated for more than a week.

  Changkyun could still recall the day they met. It was raining and he had just transferred from his past school, his mother had gotten a job in Jujun and his father decided it would be best if he went with her. The boy, being unnaturally small, was asked multiple times if he was in the wrong class - _"you just look so. . .small dear"_ \- but eventually ended up where he was supposed to be. Yes, he found his class, but not before catching eyes with a very angry looking Year 4 student who he would later come to learn as Yoo Kihyun.

  Forgetting his umbrella was common for the younger, he was sure it wasn't going to rain anyway. Obvious to say he was wrong. His mother was a very busy woman, her new job causing her to drown in paper work. At that point in his young life, he thought it was normal for his mother to occasionally forget about him. It happens to everyone. Stuck sitting after school for thirty minutes to an hour wasn't something he was unused to. Sunshine, rain, snow, he'd sat through it all. Leaving his umbrella wasn't uncommon.

  Sitting on the steps at the side of the building where car riders were supposed to wait at, he buried his face into his jacket, pulling the collar up as far as he could. Burrowing his hands inside of the front pocket, he sat and waited patiently, almost completely out of the rain thanks to the small roof covering most of the cement stairs. It was his first day, of course his mom had forgotten, it was expected. What he wasn't expecting was a light tap on his shoulder, clearly hesitant but also curious. A popping sound left his neck as he looked up, he had been sitting in that position for far too long. Those deep, angry eyes met his once again and he automatically knew it was the Year 4 from earlier. Only his eyes weren't angry this time. His overall posture seemed evidently much more relaxed, a light eye smile even creeping up and reaching the crevices of his double eyelids.

  "Cute," the older boy whispered, looking down at Changkyun with a curious gaze, 'what could he be doing just sitting right here? He looks like a Year 1 or younger.' "What year are you?" The frail boy's eyes widened, revealing deep hazel pupils that Kihyun found himself getting lost in. It wasn't attraction, he was far too young for that, but there was something _drawing_ about his gaze. It seemed too soft, like it could harden in an instant. It made him want to think. To figure this young boy out in a way he had never wanted to do before, like a puzzle. Not much was challenging for him, Kihyun had been at the top of his class since the beginning. Courses that weren't offered until Middle were thrown at him, and he eagerly accepted. He needed something challenging, something that would make him think. Something exactly like the boy seated on the white steps in the rain did.

  Changkyun ignored the word that fell from the older's lips, focusing his gaze onto those same lips instead. ADHD wasn't something he would wish upon anyone, and how he wished he could get rid of it. It made him have to focus on one thing at a time, multi-tasking being near impossible for him. He took his time studying the male in front of him. He was short, but still taller than himself, and average sized, a bit of baby fat still remaining on his cheeks. "Hey, did you hear me? What year?" Taking a deep breath, he refocused his gaze onto the boy's face, taking a moment to realize what he was talking about. 'What year, what year what? Oh! What year am I in?'

  "Year 2, Lim Changkyun." Being a business woman's son for so long, he had come to automatically introduce himself with his year of schooling and name, so this was a simple conversation for him. Usually it didn't go much past there, the snobby men he always had to talk to only acting interested in his life for the sake of his mother. She was a gorgeous woman, fair skin that was near the color of milk, just as creamy. A pointed and sharp gaze that caused chill bumps to rise on his arms anytime it was directed at him in anything short of a negative way. A 'stay out of my way' type of look. The look that you just _feel_ could destroy lives so easily; he was more than positive that it could, too.

  'Year 2? There's no way.' Kihyun used all the force he had to not let the surprise show through on his features, there's no telling how often the boy gets questioned about his weight on a daily. - _"Yoo Kihyun, put down that fucking burger right now! You eat so muc-"_ \- "Yoo Kihyun, Year 4. How long have you been here?" Since school had been out if he had to guess, he looked down at his wrist for a moment, a small, silver watch clasped to it. It had been forty five minutes since school had let out, and a Year 2 was still here? "Since school ended?" Changkyun confirmed his fears with a short nod, looking back down towards his hands with a shaky intake of air. "Do you live close?"

  The last question shocked Changkyun. He had expected the boy - Kihyun - to ask what his name was and leave, not giving as much as a glance back as he left. Instead he was greeted with more questions, which annoyed him but also peaked his interest all the same. He proceeded to nod again, he only lived a block or two away from the school, and he would've walked any other day. Only he forgot his umbrella. "Com'on then, let me walk you home." A hand broke into his gaze, and he stifled a laugh. One that he didn't know would be coming from a simple hand. He took it with ease, trusting the boy for a reason he couldn't place. A sense of warmth flooded his stomach with a rush when their hands touched, and he could tell the older could feel it too by the way he paused for just a moment after dragging him to his feet. Kihyun didn't take his hand away, instead intertwining their fingers and using his spare hand to retrieve a large, white umbrella from his backpack.

  Clicking the object's metal button, it sprang to life like a parachute without altitude and anywhere to fall from. Kihyun smiled lightly and pulled the boy along a bit. The two walked in silence, Changkyun nodding his head towards his street instead of saying anything. They ended up in front of two houses, Chankyun's - a light pink house with a white picket fence that you always see in those classic American movies, a bright green garden still captivating the space of soil right outside the front window. Although no one else could, he could tell that him and his mother hadn't lived there long. If 'green thumb' was the term used for someone good with plants, then his mother had a black thumb. - and another one. It was a dark grey, with the door painted a lighter shade of the color making up most of the house to accent it. The shudders were a deep black, a white screen appearing in the second to the right window at the front of the house. There were no plants, but it didn't make the yard look unpleasant or depressing. Plants wouldn't fit in this space, he felt. There was a plastic pumpkin sitting in the chair on the front porch, the fading blue going well with the overall vibe. Changkyun couldn't say he disliked it, he could even go to the length of thinking he did indeed like it _a lot_.

  Confusion entered his facial features as the young boy stopped in front of Kihyun's house. He surveyed the house next to his, noticing a woman pulling back the front-left window's curtain and peering out. She was pale, complexion near matching Changkyun's, only the boy's was a bit lighter. She had straightened ginger hair, black roots that were just barely starting to show through the dye. She had a piercing gaze, something Kihyun could tell from a decent length away. Just like Changkyun. The house that she was in had been empty for around two years, the previous couple not going far. Not far at all. - _"We'll miss you," Chanyeol whispered, holding the quivering boy in his arms. Baekhyun smiled at the two, running a hand through Kihyun's hair. Maybe in America they could adopt a child of their own._ \- He had noticed boxes setting outside the house a week before, but had thought nothing of it. Now it was all clicking in his mind; why he had never seen Changkyun before today, how the moving boxes had been sitting at the end of the drive for days, how the activity had been picking up. "You live here?"

  Changkyun allowed his gaze to refocus once again, sensing someone staring at him. He lifted his eyes to his front window and saw the curtain lowering itself, notifying him that his mother was home. Nodding at Kihyun's question, he looked up and locked eyes with the older. Those same dark, angry-but-not-so-angry eyes from before. Kihyun squeezed his hand in response, smiling down at him. "I guess we're neighbors then, I live right there." He pointed to the dimly lit grey house with an unwavering expression, Changkyun could tell from this that he enjoyed his at-home life. "Your mom was looking at you, she probably wants you inside." A grim expression grew on the younger's face as he thought about what man his mother had brought home this time, it seemed like a different one every night. His grip hardened on Kihyun's hand unconsciously as he thought about the many awkward encounters of every date - hookups, he would later learn - and his nonwantingness to go home grew.

  Kihyun wasn't dumb, as earlier stated, and he knew he had a pretty decent insight with people's feelings. He knew by the tightening grip on his hand and by the dark lines making up Changkyun's forehead that he didn't want to go home. Although he wondered why, he promised himself not to push. Pushing wasn't good. "Do you wanna stay over tonight?" The question left his mouth before he could stop it, teeth jutting out just enough on his bottom lip that you could tell he was nervous. Changkyun blinked as though his vision was clearing and a smile lit up his face, nodding eagerly he pulled Kihyun up the drive before telling him to wait there.

  Returning a few minutes later with a bit darker expression, but nothing that worried Kihyun too much, Changkyun grabbed the elder's hand once again and allowed himself to be walked back down the drive and up Kihyun's own. It had stopped raining mid way back, Kihyun insisting on keeping the umbrella out just in case it started once again. It didn't, but Changkyun liked that he was the careful type. Changkyun's mother had said no to him staying the night with his newly found friend, but something about the atmosphere brought confidence into the boy and he stomped out of the household with a bag of things he needed for the over night stay, meeting Kihyun back out in the front with his and Changkyun's backpacks pushed up on his shoulder.

  The youngest out of the two took the white umbrella from Kihyun, closing it while the other pushed open the door with an extra amount of added on strength. It fell open with one final bang of his shoulder, him falling into the door seal with a light laugh. "The door is so thick that you have to push extra hard to get it to open." Changkyun nodded with amusement, his own laughter falling from his lips. "Dad! Appa! I'm home!" The younger cocked his head at that, Kihyun calling out two male names for parents in a row. Kihyun watched the confusion scatter across the younger's face and laughed again, a bit harder this time. "I'm adopted. My mom and dad were mentally abusive. Chanyeol and Baekhyun lived where you live now, and I used to go over there a lot. One day they told me they were moving and I refused to let them leave, telling them I needed them. So, they confronted my parents an-"

  "And we adopted him. Who is this little chipmunk?" A man stood at the door frame of the kitchen, leaning against it with such grace. Although Changkyun didn't really understand how someone could lean against a door frame with grace, he was sure that this man was doing it. He was tall and lean, soft features defining his face. He had a small nose and light red hair, styled up so his forehead was exposed. He looked like an idol. If Changkyun had to guess, he would say he could probably sing and dance. Then another man stepped out of the kitchen, standing next to the previous male. If the one before had taken Changkyun's breath away, this one made his heart stop completely. Pink hair danced over his face, reaching just above the tip of his nose. His eyes were slightly sunk in and his legs were incredibly long. He was taller and broader than the man beside him, a single dimple on the left side of his face showing through as he smiled. Changkyun had never seen such beautiful men in his life, of course they were Kihyun's fathers.

  Kihyun could see the shock filling up Changkyun's face to the fullest, and he snickered to himself. He knew his fathers were beautiful human beings, it was only natural to believe so. "Dad, Appa, this is Changkyun. He just moved into your old house a couple days ago. His mother is letting him spend the night. Changkyun, this is Chanyeol and Baekhyun. Baekhyun goes by Appa, he's the one with red hair," Kihyun looked back over at his friend while pointing at his Appa, making sure the younger understood. "And Chanyeol goes by Dad, he's the pink haired one." Changkyun nodded meekly, slinking behind Kihyun just slightly and taking his left hand into his own right one. This was going to be fun.

-

  With a rush, it hit Changkyun that he hadn't seen Baekhyun and Chanyeol - now Dad and Appa to himself as well - in a year or so. Not since him and Kihyun had finished off high school and finally decided to move out. After that night together, the two became attached at the hip. Although they weren't in the same year at first, Changkyun had been able to skip ahead two years. Jujun Elementary was two years behind his old school, so he had already known all of the material they were learning. It helped that he was intelligent as well, always being at the top of his class - until it came to Kihyun. They had ended up by some type of blind luck in the same class, instantly bonding. Changkyun was competitive in many ways, always having to have the last word and getting angry when he lost the smallest thing. That's why he was so shocked with himself when he couldn't find it in him to be angry when Kihyun would win over him. Or beat him academically at anything. It was never a problem for the boy.

  They got in trouble a lot, or Changkyun got in trouble a lot, but whenever Changkyun was in trouble, Kihyun was right behind him. The two refused to go to detention alone every single time, demanding the other come with them. The constant touching between the two had ruffled the teacher's feathers at first, not used to this type of skin ship between two boys at all. - _"Ki- Kihyun get out of Changkyun's lap, we're in the middle of a lesson."_ \- Growing used to it eventually, the two boys became Midsummer Middle's unofficial gay couple. They went on to become Sacrimento High's unofficial gay couple. The two never dated girls. If ever asked why, the response would always be "I've never been really interested in girls, plus, I have Kihyun. He's all I need." or "Changkyun gets jealous extremely easily, I wouldn't want to make him mad. I've never had a girl stick out to me anyway." The two never got together though. Touching, babying, pet names, even with all of the above. They still never dated.

  Yeah, they kissed once. That was the night Changkyun's mother finally kicked him out for good. The memory came flooding back to the now-ginger all at once and he had to grab onto the wall for support, remembering his mother's stares. It had started out as just a friendship thing. A quick peck on the lips before the other went to sleep, or when they would wake up entangled in the other and wanted to wake them up, or when the other would smile just too happily for them to help it. The list could keep going for ages, every reason they gave the other even the shortest peck on the lips. It wasn't a subject ever discussed between the two, but it didn't really need to be. Although never said out loud, they both knew what it meant. What it was _going_ to mean.

  The night that _it_ happened they were in Year 11 and Kihyun had come over to study, but not much studying ever happened when they were together. The two were laying in Changkyun's twin sized bed that they both somehow still managed to squeeze into. Kihyun was playing with Changkyun's fingers, sunlight shining in through the crack in the window and washing over the younger's face. Kihyun knew that Changkyun was beautiful, but times like these made him fully appreciate his best friend for who he was. He let his eyes travel the expanse of his pale face. He had eventually tanned out, now a light caramel color. Eventually they dropped to the younger's lips, a shade of pink many shades lighter than his own dad's hair. He had a decently plump bottom lip and a thin upper lip. Still, no matter how thin or chapped or peeled they got, they would always be Kihyun's favorite lips to stare at. "Changkyun," slipped from between his own lips before he could stop it, gaining the youngests' undivided attention.

  He looked down to meet his eyes at first, Kihyun opened and closed his mouth a few times as if he was at a loss for words. Changkyun intertwined their hands and squeezed, letting him know inaudibly that it was okay. "Can we kiss?"

  Pause. Tick. Tick. Tick. Kihyun counted thirty seven seconds before the younger responded to the asked question, blinking his eyes in the way of clearing he always did. It was like he was stepping back into the world, his eyelids pushing away any unclear sights. It happened every time Changkyun focused on something, and the older had eventually grown used to it. "Hmm?" Kihyun sighed at Changkyun's response, knowing that he was going to make him repeat himself before he would actually respond to it. He did that a lot to, humming a bit in the back of his throat just to give himself more time to think about his answer. Kihyun opened his mouth to say it again before Changkyun cut him off, "I mean, I'm not opposed to the idea, but why?"

  It was Kihyun's turn to think about his response. He had never really thought about _why_ he wanted to kiss Changkyun, it had always just been something in the back of his head that he knew he wanted. Lying was an option, he could tell Changkyun that he wanted to practice for some girl he liked, but they both knew it was bullshit and Changkyun would refuse. "I don't know, really. I just feel the need to. I mean, we kiss each other daily anyway, even if they're just pecks. Are you gonna say you've never thought about it?" Changkyun scoffed at that, shaking his head softly with a chuckle. A playfully annoyed look settled onto Kihyun's face.

  Changkyun wasn't going to deny the fact that he had thought about it. More than once or twice he had caught his gaze shifting down to the bottom of Kihyun's face, putting all focus onto his lips. This was an opportunity that he had wanted for a while, and there was no doubt in his mind that Kihyun had been waiting too. "Fine." Changkyun shifted himself up, dragging his upper half into a sitting position with what little strength he had in his arms. He had not gotten much wider, just taller. Kihyun had had his sixteenth birthday the weekend before, and they had measured him to see how tall he had gotten. The doctor had predicted that he would be done growing by fifteen, and he was right. - _"I haven't grown in over a year!" Kihyun cried as the tape measure was pulled out with his foot settled on top of the end. "You're 5'7". I'm fourteen and 5'8" Kihyunie, you're done growing and I'm taller than you!" "Ya, you'll be saying that when you stay 5'8" Lim Changkyun!"_ \- Kihyun scooted himself up as well, turning his body so he was facing Changkyun. They stared at each other for a moment before Changkyun realized Kihyun wasn't going to make the first move. Scoffing once again, he leaned forward and placed his hand on the older boy's face, cradling it softly.

  Year 4 Kihyun was correct about the frail boy peaking his interest. He was incredibly glad he had brought the boy home that first day, for it had been the best decision of his life. He was blessed with the amazing being that was currently holding his face with such care that he had never seen anyone else use. That thought right there was what made Kihyun sit up on his haunches and place both hands on either side of Changkyun's face, pushing their lips together. Although it wasn't their first kiss, it was their first full-feeling, sparks-flying, emotion-filled one with each other, in general as well. They had shared many firsts together, and now they were sharing another one. Kihyun pushed right into it, skipping over the timidness he was sure he was going to experience. It seemed so new, but also so _known_. Instinct just took over him as he clambered into the younger's lap, straddling his hips. This wasn't something he was going to take that far, he just needed to know where he could take it before it was too far for the younger. Changkyun automatically brought his hands to Kihyun's hips, allowing his hands to slip under his dark t-shirt. He opened his mouth for the older and felt a tongue slip in, not having much force behind it. Changkyun knew Kihyun was giving him plenty of opportunity to back out, but he simply didn't want to.

  Kihyun seemed somewhat skilled even though this was his first real kiss, and Changkyun found it tiring to keep up, but enjoyed it no less than he figured he would, if not more. He felt a small tug at his bottom lip and giggled, allowing Kihyun to suck on it with more force than before. They melded against each other, heat radiating off of them and a sheer layer of sweat lining both of their foreheads. Kihyun pushed Changkyun back with their lips still attached, grinding down his hips just barely. Just barely, but enough to make Changkyun moan into Kihyun's mouth, the older swallowing it down and grinning into the him. He pulled back, hands holding him up from either side of Changkyun's head. Taking a moment to regulate his breathing, he smiled, getting an idea. "I'm going to give you a hickey now, is that okay?" With an eager nod of Changkyun's head, Kihyun leaned back down, attaching his lips to Changkyun's neck. After so long of being friends, Kihyun had noticed Changkyun's fascination with hickeys. He shown up with his own one day to school, and Kihyun had lectured him for a good twenty minutes about not letting Seokwon give him hickeys, even if they never actually kissed. It was the last time he ever did anything like that.

  Sucking and biting, Kihyun pulled at the piece of skin below Changkyun's jaw bone. He grinded his hips once again, this time Changkyun not having a mouth on his own to muffle his moans. They came out loud and satisfied-sounding, Changkyun's hand darting up and tangling itself in Kihyun's black sweat soaked locks. He tugged lightly, inaudibly asking for more. Kihyun pulled back and studied the purple mark he had left. "That's for every time your mom has given you a look after you've gone home with me." Rolling his hips slower this time, he made eye contact with Changkyun under hooded eyelids, breathing heavily. He continued contact until he was no longer in line of sight, sucking another one under the previous one. Roll of hips. Changkyun's moan. Tug of hair. "That's for her look after we get done holding hands." Eye contact. Another. Roll of hips. Changkyun's moan and tug. "This one's for her looking at m- our dad's like _that_."

  This routine continued for a solid twenty minutes, until hickeys were littering a majority of Changkyun's neck. His mother would see these, but he couldn't find it in himself to care. Kihyun sat up once again, looking over ever one of them carefully to make sure he had made them dark and large enough. Smiling to himself after he made sure he was happy with them all, Changkyun tugged him back down and locked their lips once more. It was sloppy and slow and lazy, but still made them both incredibly happy.

  After another hour or so of lazy kissing and not studying, Chanyeol had called Kihyun and told him to come home, not wanting him to be out too late. Changkyun had grudgingly agreed to walk him down the stairs and out the door, both of them completely forgetting about the twenty-five to thirty deep purple marks scattering the youngest's neck. They forgot until an ear piercing shriek came from behind them as they pecked lips at the doorway, spinning around to find gaping female Lim. Changkyun started forward as his mother backed away, wide eyed and arms falling to her side. "I should've expected less from a good for nothing leech like you," the eldest Lim spat, eyes growing dark and shrinking back to their normal size as they watched her son with something a mother should never put on their child. "Get the fuck out Changkyun. Come back and get your things after school tomorrow, I won't be home." She walked forward a few steps, barely out of arm's reach of the two. "And after that, don't come back."

  "Eomma, I'm sorry. Please, stop. I'm sorry, I'm sorr-" Changkyun reached for his mother before she turned away in disgust, hitting away his hand. His breath caught as he watched his mother's back climb the stairs. He knew he should cry, sob even, but he couldn't find it in himself. This woman had mentally abused him for years on end. Making him sit through meal after meal with a different man near every night. Telling him to go to his room and not come back down 'till morning. Leaving for weeks at a time for business trips. Telling him that he was worthless and that she wished she had gotten an abortion, that he was a waste of space. Whispering 'fag' at him and Kihyun any chance she got. He felt he should be sad. Should be begging for forgiveness like he was just moments before. Instead, he found himself relieved. Relieved and laughing.

  Turning around slowly, he saw Kihyun wide eyed and apologetic. "I'm so sorry, baby, I didn't know she was going to react like that. You can stay with me. It'll be okay." Changkyun just simply smiled, a real, genuine and large smile. He nodded slowly, taking Kihyun's hand in his own before dragging him out the door. He was finally free. His mom had given him permission - more demanded it - for him to leave. He was finally able to leave this treacherous fucking household for good.

  That night was the night that Changkyun had been kicked from his mother's house, but it's also the night that he finally went _home_. Back to where he belonged. Although the two ended up living together. And regularly kissing and having long, drawn out make out sessions, they never put a title on what they had. It was just a normal thing for them. They knew they had feelings for each other, but they also knew it would be best if they remained unlabeled. Both of them have always wanted to be idols, so it would be better for the future. Maybe when Korea was more accepting and if they were still together, they could finally put a label on it and come out. Or maybe they'll eventually no longer give a shit and decide to kiss on TV. Whatever happens will have to stay in the future though. Right now was crucial.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the first chapter of 'Cardiovascular Standstills and Sudden Awakenings'! I had a lot of fun writing this fic, and I'd like to reassure you that I am done with the whole thing so the updates won't stop, I know I'm always worried about that when I read a fanfic with multiple chapters that isn't finished yet. It's also not even near as sad or serious as it sounds, so don't worry about that either.
> 
> Another thing, this chapter was a lot as a start, I do realize this, but it was meant to start off strong and ease into a more simple vibe. That was also the most sexual this fic gets, and is why I tagged it as 'underage' as they're both underage during that scene. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it a lot! Please leave any thoughts you have in a comment and I will get back to you as fast as I can! Updates will be every Sunday (so a week from today if it's not Sunday in your timezone) and they won't be uploaded at any certain time. Thank you for reading and I hope you stick with me during this fic!


	2. Seokwon and Reassurance

  Changkyun blinked a couple times, his hand scratching the wall paper lightly from where he caught himself. Drawing a breath into his lungs, he stood himself up right again, rolling his neck back to pop it. A pounding came from the front door for the thousandth time that morning and a distant yelling could be heard, causing Changkyun to grumble under his breath as he gathered himself once again and headed towards his and Kihyun's bedroom door. Soft whining came from behind him and a light "baby," whispered just loud enough for it to grace his ears. Changkyun smiled to himself softly before turning around, making out the lump in the covers and his best friend's head sticking out of the duvet, a tuff of pink hair visible.

  Kihyun brought his hand under the covers and rubbed his eyes with little force, yawning once before patting over beside him for his room mate. When he didn't feel him, his eyes automatically snapped open, knowing truly that nothing was wrong but not being able to stop his worrying instinct. They woke up next to each other every single day, along with going to sleep by each other every night, and have for years on end. On the rare occasion that one would wake up without the other, there would always be a note on the pillow notifying the other of where they had gone. Kihyun saw no note. Sighing, he pulled the covers over his head and was met with the sharp glare of the morning sun. A tumble of whines fell from his lips as he attempted to block it out, failing of course, because his fingers were separated and they weren't doing a very good job at being opaque. He could somewhat recall 'baby' falling from his lips without him having to force it, honestly not expecting a response. "I'm right here, honey, Seokwon's knocking on the door. Can you wake up for me and come in the living room when you're ready? I'll make coffee."

  With a short nod from the older, Changkyun left without a further word, knowing by the way Seokwon was pounding on the door that it was important - whatever it was. He opened the door with a glare, but Seokwon was already pushed past him before he could focus on him. Snorting, Changkyun closed the door behind him, shuffling into the kitchen and ignoring Seokwon's awaiting presence. Grabbing the coffee grounds, he poured them into the filter. He filled the water basin after sticking the filter back in it's rightful spot, and let the water fall into the top part of the coffee maker with ease. Seokwon, Kihyun, and Changkyun had been friends since Year 11, and Seokwon was the only other person - besides Chanyeol and Baekhyun - that knew about the two's dream of becoming idols. Since Seokwon had friends in the industry and had experience in it himself, they felt it would be important to drag him into the whole ordeal. Changkyun and Seokwon had somewhat always been a bit more awkward with each other than Kihyun, who could just jump right into conversation with anyone. It didn't bother the two, because even if it was a silence settled upon them, it wasn't uncomfortable or stifling. The two sat at the bar, waiting for their shorter friend.

  Stretching, Kihyun moaned out as he popped his back and arms, arching his spine off the bed with his elbows and heels. Satisfied, he threw the covers back and stepped on the hard wood floor, letting out a hiss and retracting his foot when he felt how cold it was. "I'm going to get frost bite." Grumbling, he noticed the chill bumps rising on his bare thighs and sighed. Making a plan in his head, he saw that their closet door was wide open and decided to just make a run for it. With a gasp at the air in the room finally hitting his bare legs, he jumped off the bed and sprinted into their shared walk-in wardrobe, shoes of all kinds scattered along the floor. He pinpointed a pair of ruby red heels and made a look, deciding to ignore what he had just seen and moving to shift through their shirts. They did have separated sections, but the two had habits of wearing the other's clothes and they eventually just pushed everything together. There was still a distinct spot in the middle where Kihyun's clothes ended and Changkyun's began, but since they were almost the exact same size in everything they didn't really feel the need to split everything up. Changkyun was a bit skinner in the upper region, but he started buying oversized clothes in Year 4 when he started staying with Kihyun more. Their waist sizes were the same though, along with shoe size, so they could share both pants and shoes without problem.

  Spotting Changkyun's favorite t-shirt, he decided to throw it on, feeling like today was going to be a good day. Kihyun had random instincts sometimes, he can predict when something is going to go right or wrong. When it's going to rain or storm. When it's going to be extra hot. Changkyun always described it as his third eye showing through, and Kihyun would laugh it off and say "I just have good gut feelings." Pulling off his white night shirt, he grabbed the extra-oversized blue sweatshirt that hung off of both of them and stuffed his body into it, smiling at the smell of it. Changkyun, it smelled like Changkyun. Whenever asked to describe what his best friend smelled like - he remembered exactly the day he was asked that by his dad's, and exactly how he replied - he would say "pine trees and puppy breath." It sounded slightly unpleasant, but Kihyun could openly reassure you that "no, no it's not." He opened the drawer to their dresser that held their pants in it, tugging a skin fitting pair of black skinny jeans up his legs. Rubbing his eyes once more, he padded out of the closet and into the bathroom, not bothering to close the door behind him. Changkyun would have to change anyway.

  Their bedroom was a decent size for two college students, and they were blessed with being able to have an apartment and not a dorm. The housing contained two bathrooms, one inside of their shared master bedroom and the other to the left of the front door. Two bedrooms, one being abandoned within the first week of living there and becoming the spare/guest bedroom. A kitchenette and a small family room, a flat screen hanging on the wall and a loveseat located in the middle of the room, a red chair made out of some velvety material that Kihyun had taken a liking to on the right side of the couch. There was the big walk in closet in the master bedroom, and smaller version in the spare room, and one to the right of the front door, across from the second bathroom. In the kitchenette there was a space between the sink and the wall, covered with a large window with bright yellow curtains that never seemed to be closed, and there sat many plants that had spiked an interest in Kihyun. Changkyun always said that whenever they would go to a store with plants, Kihyun wasn't allowed to go in that section because he would end up with another. The apartment didn't match at all, but neither of the two minded. They kept it clean and tidy, and that's all that mattered. Even though it didn't match, there were certain spots that clearly showed each side of their personalities, and they liked it like that much better anyway.

  Brushing his teeth, he gazed at his reflection and imagined his braces from a year or so back, and how Changkyun had teased him for being a Year 12 and having braces until he was a Year 1 in college. They never bothered him too much - unless we're talking about that time Changkyun and him were making out and Changkyun's lip got stuck, then they bothered him a lot - so it wasn't something he was ever upset about. They hurt the days after tightening, but he never complained too much about them because he knew it was better to get them straightened out now instead of waiting until he no longer could. The teasing eventually died down and they just became a part of everyday life, him having to brush a little more exact and much longer than before, but giving him more time to study himself in the mirror. After spitting out the remaining toothpaste and rinsing, he styled his hair up so it was off of his forehead and threw on a soft blue choker, making sure it wasn't the wrong shade of blue and went with his outfit well. Once agreeing with himself about his outfit and knowing Changkyun would agree as well, he sprayed some body spray before stalking out of the bathroom and into their kitchen, sitting at the third and final seat at the bar beside their guest.

  Upon the arrival of the eldest friend, Seokwon smiled and silently praised him for his looks. Changkyun cocked his head at his sweatshirt hanging off his friend's body, but said nothing, a strong sense of pride surging through him. "I'm going to get dressed as well, you two converse or something. Tell him why you're here Seokwon, why don't you?" Leaving the rhetorical question unanswered, he rose from his seat and retreated to where Kihyun had come from, closing the door with a click behind him before sliding off the robe he had grabbed off the hook on their bedroom door. He took his time in their closet, scolding Kihyun inside his head for not closing the door. "Bad happenings make bad habits," he always told him, earning himself a smack on the back of the head. Finally deciding on a plain black tee and white skinny jeans, he nodded to himself after mumbling that he wanted to be more simple today, let Kihyun go all out. The amount of skinny jeans and chokers the two boys owned combined could probably fill a dump truck, so they never really  _didn't_ have one or the other - or both - on. Stalking into the bathroom, Changkyun fixed his own hair, aka running a hand through it a few times and letting it fall back into his eyes, and put a plain, black crepe choker on, the piece of lace almost non existent it was so thin. In the middle of putting on deodorant after spritzing his surprisingly not-shared body spray, he heard a high pitched yell come from the kitchen. He could barely make out what the boy had said, but once he had deciphered it in his mind he went sprinting through the apartment without any further words. "CHANGKYUN, WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT MONSTA X."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a REALLY short one and is the shortest in this whole book I believe, so I'll double post just for you guys <3


	3. Monsta X and Internal Fear

  The youngest had discovered Monsta X after being into Kpop for a couple years. They weren't Monsta X back then, but a undecided-line-up survival show. NO. Mercy was something Changkyun had watched the first episode of and had become hooked on, showing Kihyun immediately after. Only the first two episodes were out by then anyway, so they caught up within two hours. Kihyun automatically spotted Seokwon, something that they had talked to a couple times before but had no emotional connect to, which was something they would have to change. Over the course of the next couple months, the two became attached to each of the boys, having ups and downs with them and feeling as though they were devloping right along the side of each and every one. Minkyun's elimination hit both of them the hardest, along with the remaining NO. Mercy boys. The two sobbed for a could two hours, wrapped up in each other and a fluffy pink blanket Changkyun's grandmother had given him on her death bed. Unable to comprehend why it had hit them as hard as it did, they went to the internet to see what people were saying; to put it as simple as possible, it was a complete blood bath. People were fighting over whether he deserved to stay or not, they were yelling about how It should have been Hyungwon or Minhyuk eliminated - which the two heavily disagreed with. It was just so much for them both, and it sort of put the thought of becoming an idol out of their heads, for a while at least.

  Of course the thought came back, especially after seeing the final line up. Many people were unhappy that Minhyuk and Hyungwon had made it, but the two couldn't say they were in the slightest. Beginning to stan Monsta X, Changkyun could remember the long midnight discussion about whether they were going to choose biases of not, in the end deciding they were because it was only right. Kihyun picked Shownu, unsurprisingly, Changkyun knew he liked buffer people - excluding himself. Changkyun had a harder time picking, but felt somewhat drawn to the cute, bubbly face and angry, scratchy voice of Lee Jooheon.

  Gunhee was Changkyun's bias wrecker, something about the rappers always got him. It was possible it was because he was a rapper himself, his voice unnaturally deep for someone that looked like himself. Kihyun had a peaked interest in Wonho, his body also extremely buff but a little lisp that made Kihyun coo every time he heard it convincing him of his biasing. They were never jealous of the attention the other's bias and bias wrecker got, because at the end of the day, each other were the ones they were cuddling with at night, and saying they loved - not that they didn't tell their biases that they loved them as well. After Seokwon had come back from filming the show, Kihyun and Changkyun had made friends immediately, not just because of the fact that he had met Monsta X either. The two had become attached to him just like all the others, so actually getting to be his friend was amazing for them. Seokwon was timid at first, not sure what to think about these two boys coming and pouring their hearts out to him, but he eventually accepted it and they became a trio. Obviously Changkyun and Kihyun remained a duo, practicing together anytime they got and just belting out lyrics randomly, but Seokwon was just their little add in whenever they were together - which was frequently. They never once took him for granted though, telling him how much they appreciated him near daily. Soon after befriending him, they started to feel like real friends and not like they were hanging out with a celebrity and having to watch what they say every second of every day.

  After stumbling out of the bathroom and into the kitchen, falling onto the bar with an exhale, Changkyun looked at Kihyun and whispered a breathless "what." The room was silent when he had arrived, Kihyun staring at Seokwon with wide eyes of his own and his mouth hanging open. Only when the other had rushed in had Kihyun made point to close it, wiggling his nose around in confusion - something he had been doing since he was old enough to talk. Casting his eyes to Seokwon, he motioned for him to tell Changkyun what he had previously told him, too shocked to explain anything himself. Seokwon got the sign and thought over what he was going to say in his head, deciding to go with a different route for the younger. A more blunt and to the point version if he could help it.

  "Gunhee and Yoonho have decided to leave Monsta X and Starship wants to bring in two replacement members. Since I trained with the boys for a while and still keep in touch with them even though I'm no longer signed with Starship, I suggested you two without thinking. The boys don't want to replace the members, they want to remain as a five member group, but since Starship wants it and it's going to happen one way or another, why not you two?" Changkyun blinked a couple times, like every time, this was no different. It took him more time than he cared to admit to process the information that he was just given, feeling it spin around in his head and try to work its way through his gears.

  This had been him and Kihyun's dream for so long, and now it was right at their finger tips. Afraid, he was afraid of fucking up. -  _Why are you afraid? Don't be afraid. -_ He felt like it could slip through his fingers within a second and he wouldn't be able to do anything about it. Sometimes Changkyun shuts down. It came with the ADHD. When things get too hard or too much for him to handle, he just stops. His mother had called them "stand stills." Kihyun had helped him a lot over the years, and he was thankful. Eventually he learned to deal with it himself, with some help obviously, and everything got better, or better than it was at least. His vision still needed to be cleared every now and then, but for the majority he was okay. Right now though, he wasn't.

  Kihyun saw Changkyun's face fall and he knew exactly what was happening. He also knew how to stop it, and he needed to, even with Seokwon in their presence. He stood quickly, twisting Changkyun's stool around so he was facing him and placed his hands on the younger's shoulders. "Changkyun, Changkyun look at me" whispering lightly, he leaned forward so their faces were level and he was looking into his friend's  _\- friend's, friend's not partner's -_ eyes. "You," one light shake "are," another "okay," one last one. "You are okay and I am here and I'm not going anywhere. We're going to do this together. We're going to be successful in whatever we pursue and there's nothing to worry about at all." Studying the other's features, Changkyun nodded solemnly, knowing what was coming. "Hey, you know I'm not leaving. And you know I'll prove it." Leaning impossibly close until their noses were touching so incredibly light, Kihyun whispered the only thing that would make him snap. Wake up from something that was near inescapable. "I love you. Kiss me."

  So he did.

  Seokwon watched with a straight face, knowing this wasn't the right time to speak up. Changkyun quite clearly had an on-going inner conflict with himself and Kihyun was keeping him sane. He was okay. He wouldn't lie and say that he had never seen the clearing of Changkyun's eyes when he focused on something. It was like the light coming back after death, comparable at the least; almost seeming like something you would study in a science class. Psychology had never been a strong point for him, but he knew something was a little off in his mind. Although he knew this, he also knew that it would never stop him from getting what he wanted - becoming an idol in this situation. Believing in Changkyun was extremely easy, he was someone reliable and trustworthy, but also kept up a good front when he needed to. Seokwon strived to be someone like Changkyun. The two were awkward but Seokwon didn't dislike him at all. He just wasn't able to connect with him like Kihyun could, and that was okay. They were still fine with each other, no disagreements or fights. They were rightfully civil and had had somewhat of a friendship growing these past few months.

  Changkyun's eyes cleared for the second time in ten minutes, he took a deep breath through his mouth when Kihyun pulled back, opening his eyes. Near hesitant to see if it had worked, and over joyed when it had. Although he appeared fine, Kihyun always had to make sure. Being the mother figure in the household ever since Changkyun was kicked out became an important role for him, and he stuck with it. "Are you okay?" A smile stretched onto Changkyun's lips with his teeth sticking out just barely, nodding in the process as if to say 'I am.' "Good." Kihyun stuffed his face into the younger's neck, inhaling his scent in as if it was his safe blanket; yet in a way it was.

  Looking around a bit after Kihyun's pink hair became stuck to his chin from sweat, he noticed Seokwon smiling fondly at the two and he smiled back, nodding as a silent tell to go on with what he was saying before. "So, I know you two have been training a whole lot and I figured this was a perfect opportunity for you both. They did lose two rappers, but they only truly need two and a stronger lead vocal. Hyunwoo and Hoseok do an amazing job, but there isn't enough upper range notes in the bridges of their songs, I think you could both really improve their dynamic. They picked out a few songs that they want you to preform, and gave you the freedom of picking your own songs to sing as well - individually or together. If it's a song the boys know, Sunbae even said that it would be alright to ask one of the members to sing with you. They asked if it would be better if you had the recordings of their songs played while you're singing them or if you'd like them to sing live with you and I may or may not have said live. So you'll be singing with them as well." Kihyun nodded along, eventually having sit in Changkyun's lap and resting the back of his head on the younger's chest.

  "They had a comeback recently  with ' _Shine Forever,'_ so they want you to sing along to that. You can pick one of their parts to sing and they'll stay out, allowing you to take their place. Changkyun, you can rap over Gun's part but I don't know if they'll let you take over Jooheon's spot for the time being. Then you can do ' _Beautiful'_ the same way. They mentioned you singing one or two of their older songs too, just to see if you could fit with future comebacks, because they don't know all future concepts. I advise doing  _'Trespass_ ,' if you can fit in with their new stuff and their debut song, you should be good. The extra songs were just an option, you don't have to do them if you don't want to." Kihyun looked up, thinking about it for a moment. He had always been very interested in the song ' _Mirotic,'_ so if he could pull the one falsetto note off, it would no doubt impress the manager. Changkyun could rap along and they could even bring in the others, just letting Kihyun do the bridge. If all went well, it should be okay.

  "Kyun, we could do  _'Mirotic,_ ' the high note fits my vocal range and you could take the main rap part in it. We can let the others sing as well, since it was a song that practically everyone knows." Changkyun took his time thinking about it, staring down at him and Kihyun's interlaced hands and back up to Seokwon's face. This was actually happening it seemed, and he still couldn't completely wrap his head around it but he knew it was  _okay._ Slowly he began to nod his head while turning the thought over in his brain a couple times, agreeing silently. "Since we don't want to risk anything, that should be enough. ' _Shine Forever,' 'Beautiful,' 'Trespass,' and 'Mirotic.'_ Are they going to be mad that we have no experience or a company?"

  Kihyun trusted Seokwon, but he was forgetful at times. He needed to make sure that the younger knew what he was getting them into, and had thought of everything even though it was a bit spur-of-the-moment. "No. I asked them about it and they said it was alright as long as you two have been practicing together for an average of a year, which you have. Haven't you been training since like Year 7?" Kihyun watched Seokwon steadily, making sure not to get his hopes up. He nodded as an answer and Seokwon went on, "then that's plenty of time. Independent idols exist as well, so if they don't like you, you can debut yourselves or go sign with another company. For the record, I don't think you'll have to do that. I spend a lot of time with the boys even though we only trained together, and I feel like your personalities will match with theirs' well. If they do like you, you'll sign with Starship and debut with them. Simple."

  Simple.  _Simple._ Changkyun stifled a laugh, making himself cough unintentionally. Sitting up, Kihyun gave him space to breathe, patting his back. Seokwon laughed a bit himself, smiling at the fact that they weren't taking this lightly. They were dedicated and wanted this, they were going to be perfect idols. And the amount of fans they were going to have? Gunhee was most biased before he left, Yoonho being second most biased, and there was no doubt going to be fans that felt they didn't identify with the other members - which pained him to even remotely think, they were all such amazing human beings. The two had youthful determination, and Seokwon couldn't wait to see them grow and evolve even more. They would be the two youngest in the group, becoming the maknae line. They wouldn't have to drop out of college since Year 2 hasn't started for either of them, it only being early July. Changkyun was only 17, 16 internationally, and had already finished Year 1 of college. Seokwon let that sink into his head for a moment, glancing at the younger in front of him with shock masking his face. This boy was so intelligent, both of them were, and they were giving up their studies to be idols. The dedication there was enough to shake Seokwon's bones, a sharp intake of breath entering his lungs. The two knew what they wanted, that was for sure.

  He knew fangirls would go crazy for an 01' liner in the group, and a 99' as well. The youngest after them was Jooheon, and he was a 94'. Neither were immature for their age either, both having to grow up much before their time. Plus, they were both extremely soft. As long as Changkyun doesn't do his 'manly face'  _ever,_ that is. Kihyun acted just like a mother, he and his dads had basically raised Changkyun so it made sense, but it would be odd having the second youngest mother everyone. For some reason though, he felt like it would work. They would mesh in a way he never did with them. The thought somewhat made him sad, but over the moon at the same time, because Changkyun and Kihyun were finally getting a chance to debut.

  Everything was going to work out, he felt it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a kudos if you enjoyed and comment down below if anything is on your mind! This story will improve soon and only had a few more chapters that are a bit under-developed like these last two. I still hope you liked it and you'll stick with me and this book, I'll see you guys next Sunday! <3


	4. Auditions and Initial Shock

"Holy shit Kihyun, this is actually happening. We are literally sitting in Starship's lobby and are going to preform for them in less than 10 minutes. Holy god, okay." Kihyun looked over at the younger and watched him freak out, staying quiet and only placing a single hand on his thigh. He rubbed softly to calm him down. Fading hair had been a problem for him in the last few months, so both of them had re-dyed last night. Kihyun had redone his pink and styled it up, they had shaved most of the sides as well and gave him an undercut. Changkyun's was light ginger and curled in the front, letting it fall over his eyes because 'I look cuter this way! Like a true maknae.' Kihyun couldn't deny that it was cute and made him look softer, but with the blue eye contacts and dark makeup he was sporting he didn't look much younger. Kihyun had his own hazel eye contacts in and matched Changkyun's makeup style, the dark in the color complimenting his pink hair almost perfectly. Around Kihyun's neck lay a piece of black lace, small hoops hanging out of his ears. Sporting black skinny jeans with a rip in the thigh of his right leg and another in the knee of his left, a white button up with the top two buttons unbuttoned and one side tucked into the front of his pants, he couldn't deny that he looked good. Changkyun had a white satin choker on with a blue oversized sweater, the collar, shoulders down to his wrists, and a line across the front holding small, dull, silver jewels. In his left ear he had gotten a hole pierced in his cartilage close above his lobe a few years back, and it held a connecting earring that hung a bit, the diamonds sparkling in the sunlight coming in from the front window. Deciding to match his choker, he had put on white pants and a pair of white dress shoes, Kihyun having his own black dress shoes of the same style. The two had put in insoles, raising themselves at least an inch after reading that they were the shortest in the group. At 5'7" and 5'8", the two easily became salty when discussing height with anyone, but he knew that if they made it into the group, their real heights would be exposed rather quickly.

Surveying the room with the intent of calming himself down, Changkyun took note of his surroundings for future reference. They were seated on the right wall, a walk way directly in front of them and another line of chairs on the left wall. A set of double doors stood at the front of the building, leading into the red carpeted walk way previously mentioned. They led up to the front desk, made out of a fresh, dark cut wood that Changkyun would guess was beech. It was decently new based on the amount of scratches visible from where he was sitting. One of the pointed edges was lined with the wall they were on, the other stopping 3/4 through the room and another path being available beside it for anyone that needed access to the rest of the building - them in a few moments. It was a dark door, matching the wood of the desk, a stark contrast from the glass doors at the front. A woman sat behind the beech wooding, simple designs carved in the front of the sun and moon aligning. She looked nice enough, giving them a small smile when they had walked in and telling them to take a seat and wait. Vibes were always easy for the younger to pick up on, he was very in touch with people's emotions so he was extremely confident in his "readings." Nothing out of the ordinary came from her, the usual about wanting to go home that everyone had. Her desk was scattered with sticky notes of all kinds, the ones in his line of vision having something written on them, whether it would be a phone number or date, address or message to pass on to someone higher than herself. His attention caught on a yellow clock centered right above her head, the incline holding it just right. Following the tick of the minute hand, he allowed himself to get lost in his thoughts, allowing anything that would distract him from what was coming enter his mind. Unconsciously he placed his hand down on top of the elder's and laced their fingers, his hand clasped tightly around Kihyun's.  _Tick. Tick._

_Tick._

Clearing his vision after hearing his name and feeling the slight shake of his shoulder, Changkyun let his eyes refocus on the small face in front of his own, his best friend. "Changkyun-ah, it's time to do this." Hearing those words made the blood rush into his ears, becoming the only thing he could hear. His eyes widened and he gripped onto Kihyun's bicep, letting him stand him up with shaky legs. "Hey, look at me." Changkyun turned his head up towards the other male, looking to the man waiting for them in the entrance of the dark beech wood door up and down before dismissing him. Allowing his focus to be filled with his best friend once again, he exhaled an uneven breath, clearly displaying his distastefulness for this whole situation. "This is going to work out. You're going to be okay and I'm going to be okay and we're going to be apart of Monsta X within the next hour. I promise. Okay?" Long fingers traced over his own, lacing themselves together. He looked just slightly down into Kihyun's eye contacts, complaining to himself how much prettier his eyes were without them.

Not wanting to keep the man calling to them waiting, Kihyun slightly tugged on the younger's hand, a breathless "okay" coming from his lips before Kihyun was dragging him along deeper into the building than either had ever gone, not giving him a chance to back out. Patting his pocket with his loose hand, Changkyun made sure he had the penny Chanyeol had given him the day of his 13th birthday, unintentionally becoming somewhat of a lucky charm for him. He remembered the day he thought he had lost it, right before his SATs. Flipping his whole room upside down in ten minutes and coming up with nothing was terrifying, but after Kihyun calmed him down and told him to think about it, he traced it back to his dresser, which was where he had put it the night before. Forgetting such simple things like that came with his ADHD, and there wasn't really anything he could do about it.

Pushing though one last door, a seeming translucent window making up most of it. Changkyun had his head down, looking back at the door and seeing that it was transparent from this side, a classic trick glass. Kihyun dropped his hand and bowed, Changkyun then did the same without looking up to see who they were bowing at, taking an easy enough guess himself. "I'm Yoo Kihyun, a 99' liner. This is Lim Changkyun, an 01' liner." Changkyun stood then, breath catching in his throat at the sight of the five seated directly in front of them. _'Lee Jooheon is such a blessing to society'_ he thought to himself, a blush creeping up his neck as he locked eyes with the older. Kihyun's sights immediately ran to Hyunwoo, as if his eyes were used to seeking them out in crowds -  _he would later realize it_ was _because that was what they were used to._ Out of the five, Jooheon and Minhyuk were smiling, trying to give off a welcoming vibe. Hoseok and Hyungwon didn't try to seem as happy as the other two, but Changkyun could tell previous anger had warn off when they had walked into the room. Hyunwoo just seemed confused, not really knowing what to say or do in a situation like this. Their manager was seated beside the leader, smiling right along with Minhyuk and Jooheon. A camera crew was stuffed behind them all, recording every move either of them made. Getting used to constantly being filmed was going to be tough, but they knew it was going to be alright.

Changkyun smiled lightly, cursing his cheeks for the spreading blush and him being unable to get it to go away. He noticed Jooheon's interest peeking at him, and he was grinning on the inside because of it. He hadn't noticed before, but he had mushed himself against his best friend after walking in and it took extreme courage to step away, claiming his own spot on the floor. "Hello Changkyun." If being spoken too by your bias isn't a courage lifter, _'then you're a lost cause.'_  Jooheon immediately spoke up after the youngest stepped away from the other, noticing how much force he had to put into his leg to make that step, no matter how small. He needed some way to make the younger feel as though he was alright, and greeting him was his first reaction for some reason. Changkyun's eyes widened as he watched his name fall from Jooheon's lips, bowing so fast afterwards that he lost his balance. Kihyun noticed at last minute, but not before Jooheon had already made his way around the table and caught the younger.

Nestled in Jooheon's chest, Changkyun propped himself up with one arm and exhaled, blinking a few times to recall what had just happened. He had lost his balance, fallen on Jooheon, and was currently in his arms. Looking up, he caught the elder's eye and let out an apology, which sounded more like a mouse's squeak, pushing himself up into a standing position and reaching out a hand for the man on the floor to take. "You're okay, yeah?" Was asked to him when Jooheon had dragged himself up, brushing the back of his pants off and continuing to smile at the younger even if he had just knocked him over. Changkyun nodded quickly, keeping his head bowed in an attempt to keep Jooheon from seeing his bright red cheekbones.

Kihyun watched the scene in front of him unfold steadily, making sure to show no distaste on his face. He wanted to pull Changkyun away from Jooheon's grip and rush home, bury his face into the younger's chest and wrap his hands into his collar. The new feeling of jealousy made him feel uneasy. In school, Kihyun knew Changkyun was his. His, no matter what happened. With Jooheon, Kihyun didn't know how far Changkyun's love went and that scared him. Scared, intimidated.  _Intimidated_. Lee Jooheon intimidated him.

Although he had his newly sparked fear of losing the person he loved the most, there was also something slightly peaceful in knowing Jooheon had interest in Changkyun. It was somewhat knowing that even idols found the boy to be attractive, but also the fact that it was Jooheon. He wasn't going to deny that Changkyun and the elder would be cute together. He also wasn't going to deny that he had imagined himself in similar situations to the one Changkyun was in with all the members. He had heard of whole groups having in-dorm relationships before, Seokwon had connections to the inside of the industry somehow. One of his favorites groups, GOT7, all were together like  _that_ behind closed doors. Seokwon had stated once that there were way more gay idols in the industry than you could imagine and it overjoyed Kihyun. _"None of them are openly gay, of course, but gay none the less. And bisexual and pansexual? Off the chart numbers. The asexuals are racking up as well. I could go on with every other sexuality, and gender too, but I think you get the idea."_

Imagining himself and Changkyun in a situation like that with the remaining Monsta X members made his head spin. Allowing his eyes to leave Changkyun and latch onto Hyunwoo, he could feel his heartbeat in this ears. The eldest member was watching him with mashed interest, the tone in his face changing just enough for him to catch it. Timidly, he smiled, unsure of his move. Hyunwoo smiled back, only slightly less timid than himself, and he felt his heart go to mush and his breath catch. Maybe, just maybe, this would work out.

Jooheon settled back into his seat, keeping his eyes trained on the younger. 01', he was 17. That was honestly quite shocking, Changkyun looked to be at least in his early 20s. He knew their fans would have a field day with both of the new additions, and he prayed things would work out. "So, Kihyun, Changkyun, would you like to start with 'Shine Forever,' 'Beautiful,' 'Trespass,' or your personally picked song - or songs, we're not complainers." Their manager broke the silence, Jooheon letting his gaze flick between his sunbaenim and the younger. Then, for the first time since they had arrived, he let his eyes reach the other body standing by Changkyun and he felt his own breath catch. This being, Yoo Kihyun, was beautiful. His hair perfectly crafted and the dark lace on his neck contouring perfectly with his skin tone. They were both so stunning, even more so than Hoseok and Hyungwon, and he could imagine the two becoming most biased within days. Hours even, if he wanted to test their limits.

Turning his head to the younger, but not before catching eyes with the current maknae of Monsta X and smiling a little, he questioned Changkyun with which one he wanted to do in silence. Receiving a mouthed response as an answer from his best friend, he pivoted on his foot and got a face full of a grinning Minhyuk. Instead of continuing his turn, he stopped and stared into the elder's face, analyzing his features for a reason unknown by himself. Minhyuk truly was beautiful, even the slight bags under his eyes seeming to be attractive. He was going to have a hard time fitting into a group with such natural visuals, but he couldn't say the same for Changkyun. Kihyun had always had a bit of doubt in his looks, refusing any compliments he was thrown and dodging anything even close to a flirt. Talking himself up and sincerely feeling that way were two completely different things, and he wished he could say he had complete confidence. Comparing was something that Kihyun had always automatically done when looking at someone, and being in one room with 6 males that were 10X more attractive than himself was really busting him up. "We'll go in the order you just said, starting with 'Shine Forever.' We also decided that we'd have the members sing with us, if that's still an option." Distracting himself from his thoughts, he let his eyes linger on Minhyuk for a moment more before turning back completely to their manager.

Nodding, their sunbae looked down at his papers and wrote something down. "Yes, that's fine." He looked up again, surveying the two before nodding again. "And I can assume that you're going to do Gun and Hyunwoo's parts?" Receiving his own nod from the two, he smiled, an eye smile crinkling up above his chubby cheeks. Changkyun thought he was quite cute. "Is there going to be anything you're going to add in, ad-libs or anything like that?"

Changkyun shook his head no, but Kihyun remained still, turning the idea over and over in his head. He had practiced a few high notes to go along with 'Shine Forever' but hadn't discussed it over with Changkyun. He knew he needed to add them in though, especially if they wanted this to work. Also knowing that Changkyun had something planned for himself, something that Kihyun would sit out on, Kihyun nodded his head. "After the third rounds of 'shine forever's' I'll do a belt during the 'ye's', and then a smaller one a bit after. It's not much of a difference but makes a good bridge point." With another nod, the four singing stood and gathered around them. Changkyun coughed a little when Hoseok gave him a smile, taking a moment to gather himself up with his back turned to the others in the room. Kihyun grabbed his shoulder and spun him around, pulling him into an embrace and whispering "it's going to be okay" before the music started and the two moved into the middle of the group. The room was bigger than expected, so when they were handed mics Kihyun wasn't as surprised as he knew he should've been. He had to start the whole thing off, but he knew how to push the nerves down. Singing at clubs had been a thing he had done since he was younger, eventually he starting to make money for it as well. The nerves had always been stronger in the older days, but he was also quite a bit younger and inexperienced compared to now. Knowing when to belt and when to go soft, when to go airy and when to go strong, all things he had learned from just picking up on other artists techniques. Saying he was perfect was a bit much, but he would never say he wasn't good.

When the first note that left his lips was perfectly on pitch though, he was proud. He knew just from that one note that this was going to be a good audition. After the first line he noticed Hyunwoo and the manager both gaping at him from the left, chucking to himself when Hoseok picked up on his part. He was undeniably good, and based on all the other's faces, they agreed. A bit of Hoseok's lisp shined through for a moment, and Kihyun felt his face going soft before he could stop it. He cursed himself on the inside, but cooed at the older on the outside. Hoseok noticed too, catching Kihyun's eye while singing his second line and winking when he noticed how infatuated he was with his pronunciation. Kihyun's own eyes widened and he felt the heat rush up his neck, turning around and patiently waiting for Changkyun's part to start. People's reactions to Changkyun's voice were always priceless, and not in a bad or negative way either. Soft was a way you could describe the younger, but after hearing his rapping voice and watching him get into the zone, your view would change. "One and only, like a holy." Jooheon's head turned so fast Kihyun convinced himself he just barely missed the sound of his neck snapping.

"I'm fascinated by the bright light of your beauty." One thing that Kihyun hadn't learned about the other until Year 6 was that he could speak English. He had never once thought to ask him where he was from, it not seeming important, always figuring he had come from some town in Korea. No, no he came from Boston -  _"I lived in Boston for most of my younger life, I was practically raised on English. After Mom was told about the transfer for her job, Dad started teaching me Korean. I picked up on it pretty fast." It made sense, why Kihyun sometimes had to explain words that he should know for being a Year 5 or 6, and it all sort of clicked at once for him, making him go back over every stumble Changkyun had ever made with his words. -_ and it explained why his English pronunciation was almost spotless. After finding out, Kihyun had made him teach him English as well. Kihyun was a little slower with it, but he got there. His pronunciation wasn't as clear as Changkyun's, but it was still better than the majority of Korea. English became their own secret language, their classmates and most teachers not knowing what they were saying. Chanyeol had studied aboard for a year or so while in college, so he could easily tell what they were saying most of the time, Baekhyun though, not so much.

Changkyun's part continued, everyone gawking at the two for their talent. It wasn't something they were unused to from the normal public, but idols staring at them like they were currently was all very new for them. The rest of the song went smoothly, eventually Kihyun's high part coming up. Changkyun had wondered why Kihyun had wanted him to sing - or try to sing - the third set of 'shine forever' but had never questioned, trusting Kihyun's arrangement. Now understanding why, he did as he was told, leading Kihyun into it. Singing had always been something Changkyun was very self conscious about, never being something anyone except Kihyun would make him do. He tried hard for this though, wanting to impress Kihyun as much as he could. When he started into the microphone, Kihyun gave him a prideful smile as if to say 'I helped him with this.' That smile made a sudden surge of confidence course through his stomach and he got louder, fitting what was about to be Kihyun's tone a lot better than before. "Yeah ye-eah, yeah ee-ah-ee-ah." If the staring wasn't obvious before, then it definitely was now, making Kihyun smile into the mic as he continued. "Oh-ee-oh, oh!" Putting as much force behind it as he could, he spit his last high note and stood with a satisfied grin, finishing off the song. The tune faded away as the speaker was turned off and everyone in the room stared at the two, some gawking and some confused.

Changkyun bowed, not knowing what else to do in a moment like this. Once again, his face was burning a red and he couldn't stop it, so he took what little courage he had left and stood up, letting the world see his blush. He caught Jooheon's gaze first, a tiny 'o' form on his lips. The two watched each other attentively, following any slight movement with their eyes. Swallowing thickly, Changkyun wiggled his nose and looked up at the ceiling, waiting for anyone to say anything. "Sunbae, do we even have to make them preform anything else? Their voices mesh perfectly with ours from what I could hear, so I personally feel no need in it." Hyunwoo eventually spoke up, fed up with everyone's elevated interest with the two in the center of the room as if they were caged animals. Relief filled Changkyun's facial expression at the mention of having to preform no more, his energy had gone quickly from the build up of nerves.

The manager nodded slowly, narrowing his eyes for a moment before relaxing his face. The two had exceptional talent, and they weren't the type that he was going to let slip through his fingers. "Yes, I agree. You two don't have to preform anymore, I've already made my decision. If you'd come to my office with me to discuss contracts?" He rose with confidence in the boy's answers, striding past them and opening the door and looking over his shoulder with a suggestive gaze. Changkyun was slightly dazed, as this was all happening so fast. He allowed his vision to clear as he felt a hand slip into his own, knowing it was Kihyun without having to look down. Dragging him along once again, only this time behind the manager of the boy group they were about to be involved in. Them.  _Them_ in Monsta X. Mind blown was an understatement.

-

With a final glance towards the smiling manager, they both grabbed the pens sitting in front of them, staring at them as if their lives depended on this one signature. The two had spent the last hour and a half going over contract fees and terms and termination terms and extensions and time periods and a million other things that they both probably couldn't recall. At this point they were tired and ready to call it quits so they could go home and nap, before they were told their signatures were all that was needed to officially become a part of Monsta X and two pens were seated right above their papers. With a look towards each other and another towards their new sunbaenim, both grabbed their selective pen and scribbled their name down, securing their fate for the next four years.

Their manager took the two pens from them when they were done, placing them back into the jar from which they came, and reached out a hand for each of them to take. He had soft and small hands, quite calming if you asked Changkyun. He could get used to having the older around, something he would have to do anyway. Although the manager didn't dorm with them and the other five boys, he knew that he would be around 90% of the time. "You'll start moving into the dorms tomorrow or the day after, which ever is most beneficial for you. Welcome to Monsta X boys."

-

"Yeah! They waited for us!" Coming out of the tiny office with a sigh, happy to be out of the small space for the first time in  _too_ long, Kihyun automatically noticed Minhyuk's smiley face. Changkyun raced after him as Kihyun darted off, not wanting to keep the group waiting any more than they already had. The lobby was quiet, the receptionist from this morning gone and the main overhead light out, a small lamp flickering to the side. Looking down at his watch he read '11:47' to himself, sighing at the thought of staying out so late. They were always home by 10 unless they were preforming for a club or party, the curses of being a college student and having work to do all the time. This time though, they no longer had anything to do. Sending in their resignation papers was hard for the both of them, but they knew that this would be better for them. Monsta X was starting to blow up internationally, so they wouldn't need part time jobs either.

Hoseok looked up as the two youngers came rushing out of the back, watching Kihyun bounce on the balls of his feet and Changkyun being dragged behind. It was cute. "We were wondering if you wanted to go get coffee with us? To, I don't know, get to know each other I guess? There's this cute coffee shop open until 2 AM on Friday's, so I figure that would be good..." Hyunwoo trailed off. Although he was the leader he was the most awkward out of all of them, but it always made the fans metaphorically and quite literally purr.

A smile broke out on Kihyun's face once he realized what he was being asked, and he nodded eagerly, not waiting for Changkyun to put in his thoughts because he knew they would be the same as his. As if he was questioning his own mind, he turned back to look at the younger to make sure and was met with a just as eager nod as his own. "We'll come." Minhyuk hopped up and down excitedly, spinning around and practically jumping out the door. They all automatically followed, knowing that he'd get lost if left on his own for too long. Or everyone knew except the two new members. Kihyun then realized that they were going to actually, personally get to know the members of Monsta X, and it purely overjoyed him. He was going to get to experience ups and downs with these boys. Simply start a new life, turn over a new leaf. It was exhilarating, something that he felt was never going to calm. The words from before whirled through his head, seeming to become a broken record on repeat. " _Welcome to Monsta X boys_."


	5. Midnight and Sleepless Boys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I know this one is a couple weeks late but I've had a lot going on recently. If you're still here I'd just like you to know that I appreciate you so much! <3

"Hey Ember," Jooheon greeted the barista, smiling at her politely. Instead of verbally responding, she smiled back and bowed her head, waving them to the 6 seater nestled into the back corner of the small coffee shop."You can pull a chair u-" Jooheon was cut off by Changkyun clambering into Kihyun's lap before he could finish his statement about the wrong number of chairs. "Alright, that works too." Hoseok let a laugh come rolling from between his near sealed lips, recalling just how much the two reminded him of Hyungwon and himself.

Changkyun smiled shyly, turning his head and stuffing it into the crook of Kihyun's neck. It wasn't a new situation for either of them, Changkyun somehow always finding it most suitable to seat himself in the elder's lap. "It makes me feel safe, I don't know. 'Feel small." Changkyun had always been skinny. Kihyun remembered how small he was the first day they had met, and analyzed the changes. There weren't many he could spot, honestly. He had gotten taller and gained a bit of weight, but that seemed to be the maximum. Kihyun would bet money that the boy in his lap was still underweight, even though he ate like his stomach was a bottomless pit.

Watching the two with mild interest, Hyunwoo wondered how long they had known each other. They were here to bond, so in a way it was the right moment to wonder out loud. "When did you two meet?" That simple question sparked a spiral of conversation, them all warming up to each other rather quickly. Everything seemed to just click in a way Hyunwoo had only ever felt with his fellow members. Suddenly he wasn't so bothered by the thought of two new team mates, as long as they were Kihyun and Changkyun.

The two looked at each other and giggled, turning back to the group and starting from the beginning. The beginning where everything was simple and they didn't have to worry about parents and money problems and sexuality. The beginning where it was only one kid sitting on a set of steps and another coming to introduce himself. The steady hum of 'Untitled, 2014' played softly in the background, Minhyuk lightly singing it to himself as he listened to the two go on about how Kihyun's dads had basically adopted Changkyun after a mishap with his mom, a mishap that the two made sure not to elaborate on. A questioning gaze was sent towards the older of the two, thoroughly ignoring the same gaze as well. Kihyun knew he could trust them, but his and Changkyun's relationship would take a bit longer to pry out of him.

"And now we're here. Funny how everything leads back to the present. It's such a funny concept, time." Changkyun smiled to himself, looking down at hands displayed in his lap as he listened to Kihyun finish off their story. Explaining their initial obsession with the group was quite the embarrassment, his face burning a bright red right up until they were finished. Jooheon let his gaze rest on the younger's face upon hearing his biasing, not being able to stop the grin from growing rather quickly. Suddenly a ring split through the conversation, cutting off Minhyuk complaining about how much Hyungwon sleeps even though the two knew from binge watching their appeances of variety shows and any content of theirs they could get their hands on, more than once as well. Kihyun grabbed his phone from his back pocket, identifying the 'Never' tone from Produce 101 as his own FaceTime notification sound. "Dad," he read out, looking over at Changkyun before quickly picking up the phone, knowing how he would get agitated when their son wouldn't answer the phone. "Dad?"

Turning the phone manually so that he was in frame, Changkyun grinned at the face in front of him, the elder's hair now a cotton candy blue. After so long, he was surprised the man still dyed his hair. Baekhyun appeared on the screen next to Chanyeol, his hair the same red, just a bit darker now. "Appa, Dad. Is everything alright?" The question popped into his head when he scanned his own phone's screen, reading '1:26' on it in white lettering over a picture of Kihyun and himself. Changkyun was grinning and being spun in Kihyun's arms, and Kihyun was grinning right back, looking completely love sick if Changkyun had anything to say about it. He could still feel the wetness of the rain pooling through his clothes, sinking into his skin as if he were a sponge. He had had black hair during that photo, Kihyun sporting a light brown but you not being able to tell if you had looked at it, the rain droplets making it look much darker than it was. His home screen was a matching photo, the same black and white filter -  _when thinking back on his thoughts of that evening, of course you wouldn't have been able to tell Kihyun had had brown hair with a black and white filter. He was utterly unimpressed with himself -_ and same location, only in this one the two were in a much more suggesting pose. They were still smiling and still looked just as happy as before, but this time Changkyun's legs were wrapped around Kihyun's middle and his lips were pressed firmly against the elder's, his right hand gripping Kihyun's locks and his back slightly arched, one only being able to tell if they were to examine the photo with close determination.

Baekhyun nodded his head and smiled, looking relaxed. "We were just up and wanted to see what happened with the group, Seokwon may or may not have told us a thing or two." Chanyeol giggled from out of frame, the side of his neck visible and nothing else besides the collar of his pink night shirt that Kihyun knew all to well, and missed if he was completely honest. Hoseok stifled a laugh, happy Kihyun and Changkyun had two parents to constantly worry about him, every teenager deserves that. Changkyun burst out laughing, Kihyun having to catch him before he tumbled out of his lap, hand securing itself in the wrinkles of Changkyun's sweater and not letting up even after he had calmed down.

Kihyun smiled lightly, nodding. Instead of telling the two men on screen, Chanyeol returning to see 'what the hell Changkyun was laughing at,' he would just show them. He clicked on his screen once to get the FaceTime menu and clicking once again, this time to switch the camera's. Baekhyun's small gasp could be heard when he was met face to face with a grinning Lee Minhyuk. Kihyun understood though, who wouldn't gasp at a Lee Minhyuk? As Kihyun moved the camera from face to face, allowing each of them to wave as a greeting, Chanyeol's eyes grew bigger and bigger. Baekhyun's gasp at Hoseok had them all cracking up, Hyungwon ending up on the floor and wheezing, tears falling from his eyes at a constant. "Look guys, Hoseok is beautiful, sue me." That restarted Hyungwon's laughing fit, his hand banging on the chair without much strength put behind it. After Hyunwoo said hello, Kihyun turned his camera back around and smiled at his dads, nodding when Chanyeol guessed if they had signed with them.

Hoseok watched Kihyun interact with his parents with ease, smiling to himself. He was glad that they were close, the two men seemed nice. It was a slight shock to learn that Kihyun had two dads, that's not something you see in Korea really at all. And for an idol to have two gay dads? He knew that Kihyun would be going through quite the hardship in the future because of it, but he was confident that their Monbebes wouldn't let it become a handicap for him. He knew him and his members would be there to hold him up as well, along with Changkyun, and he somewhat was excited to see what this new branch would open.

They seemed like siblings in a way, Jooheon thought, but at the same time there was something else that he couldn't put his finger on. He knew it was there, but he didn't exactly know what  _it_ was. Hyungwon's laugher filled the cafe once again, and Jooheon let his eyes flick to him on the floor. Their tallest hadn't laughed like this in a long time, the happiness being drained from everyone's lives since the announcement of the two departing members. Even before then, Hyungwon was having somewhat an inward battle with himself, a battle that all members noticed but decided to say nothing about, letting him figure everything out on his own. Although with seeing him now you could never tell what had been happening only days before, these two may be the key to fix it for good.

Chanyeol's "YA" came from the speakers in Kihyun's phone and they were all cracking up again, Baekhyun's defensive remarks spilling out right after. They talked to the two adults for a while longer, before they finally decided it would be best if they went to bed. "We just wanted to check up on you, I'm glad everything worked out." Chanyeol's voice was warm and extremely inviting, something Hyungwon knew he could get used to. "We love you."

"We love you too," Chankyun and Kihyun said at the same time, clearly so used to doing it that they didn't spare a blink at their sync. Baekhyun went on a rant about taking care of themselves and everything a mother would nag about, the other members could tell that no matter how much they acted like they didn't like it, the two boys seated in front of them would always have a safe space in their hearts for the two dads.

Hyunwoo grinned when "We love you guys too! As long as you're taking care of our kids, you're family. And you better take care of them well!" fell from the small five dotted speaker in Kihyun's iPhone, him flipping the camera so the two adults could see the members spoken to. It was refreshing to see how much they loved the group's newest members, and it made Hyunwoo feel as if he couldn't wait to find someone to share his life with. His eyes flickered to Minhyuk, then to Hoseok and Hyungwon, to Jooheon, and lastly to the two sitting behind the outstretched phone. He always felt it was possible to fall in love with more than one person, even though he had never experienced it himself. Now though, he may finally be able to think about it on a more magnified level.

Eyes caught and the two sat silently, watching each other. Minhyuk could tell there was something on Hyunwoo's mind by the simple glint in his eye, and he may or may not have that same glint every time he looked at the others. Memories started to stir behind his pupils, Gunhee and Yoonho smiling at each other in the living area with that same glint. The two telling them they were breaking the contract and leaving to start a family together and continue with their own solo activites. They planned to go to the states, Gunhee could speak some English and Yoonho was learning, they wanted it to work and what Gunhee and Yoonho wanted, they got. The agency erupted when they found out about it, their manager beyond fine with it but his boss flipping out completely. He couldn't wrap his head around how they were going to break their contracts just to be together, especially because they were boys. But the remaining five and their manager understood, love is love. Of course the company stated the reason for their departure was to venture out on their own and start solo actives, and although that was partially true - the two wanted to remain idols but they figure they had a better chance of being open with who they are in the states - it wasn't enough to satisfy the members, but there wasn't much they could do about.

Nodding along to what his husband was saying, Baekhyun added another 'stay healthy' before the group took turns returning the 'I love you's. The two groups waved to each other, Chanyeol clicking the **end call** button before Kihyun could. The screen blinked a white 'call ended' slowly, giving everyone enough time to read it. The café was silent, Changkyun clicked on his own phone once again to see the time, '2:03' staring back at him in the same lettering as earlier. He shortly analyzed his lock screen again, before clicking off his phone and looking at the group. "It's two in the morning, should we get going?"

The night ended with a selca, Minhyuk telling the two that it would be uploaded the next day - that day technically - a bit after Starship's reveal of the newest additions to the team. The five had decided to come by the next morning and help them pack before Changkyun suggested they just come by tonight and get it over with since none of them appeared to be visibly tired. So, at 2:14 in the morning, the seven boys paraded out of the café and onto the streets, unsurprisingly waking up a few neighborhoods with the amount of hooping and hollering they were doing.

Lights sprung to life as Kihyun pushed the button to the left of their entry way, Changkyun pushing past him and heading towards their room. Hyungwon and Hoseok followed him, Jooheon, Minhyuk, and Hyunwoo staying behind with the newly-second-youngest. "You guys share a room and only have one bed?" Could be heard, even from where the four were standing. Kihyun chuckled, untucking the one side of his shirt from his pants and removing his shoes, motioning over his shoulder for the three to do the same. Padding into the kitchen, he flicked on the dining room, kitchen, and living room lights since they were all located on the same panel. The three followed him after removing their shoes, Kihyun trusting Changkyun to make the other two do the same.

"What was Hoseok asking about?" Minhyuk was the first to break the silence, wandering into the kitchen and opening the fridge before getting slapped away by a motherly-like Kihyun. Grumbling, he pulled himself up on the counter space next to the fridge, having to push some envelopes out of his way. He surveyed the area with interest, noting how large their apartment was for a pair of teenage college kids.

It took Kihyun a moment to recall what Minhyuk was talking about, having to look towards his bedroom door before Hoseok's previous words began to bounce through his head. "Ah, we share a room and sleep together. Since we've known each other for so long, we figured there was no point in wasting money that we didn't have to. What do you want to eat, Minhyuk hyung? I can make you something." Minhyuk lifted his head in alarm when 'hyung' left the younger's mouth, not used to ever being called that. The group was always closer, never using the traditional speech when referring to each other unless they were being filmed. Before Changkyun and Kihyun had arrived, they were all pretty close in age as well, the youngest being Jooheon and him being a 94' liner. Minhyuk couldn't say that he enjoyed it either, so he would not be getting used to it.

"Do you have ramen? It's alright if you don't." Kihyun peered at him silently for a moment before his face broke into a smile, nodding his head and grabbing a pot from under the stove. "Also, hyung... you don't have to call me hyung." He placed the pot of water on the stove top and set it to 'Medium-6' before turning to grab the ramen from the cabinet right behind Minhyuk's head. Instead of asking the older to move, he just wedged himself between his legs and reached behind him, pulling the door open and indirectly forcing Minhyuk to lean forward. Smirking lightly at Minhyuk's blush, he pulled away and smashed the noodles just barely on the counter, opening the package, pulling the flavoring out, and pouring the dry noodles into the pan.

Jooheon watched the two's interaction with a small smile, it widening only slightly when Kihyun stood in between Minhyuk's legs, making a blush spread onto his cheeks. No one every really made Minhyuk blush, it always being the other way around. He was a flirt to say the least, always all over his fellow members. It didn't bother them anymore, they had gotten used to it decently far into NO.Mercy. Hoseok was the other major flirt of the group, though his actions mostly stayed on Hyungwon. Gunhee had fucked around here and there as well, though only dabbling in the 'flirtatious' aspect and staying mostly focused on Jooheon himself, never really outwardly open with Yoonho till towards the end of their time together. The two had been near inseparable, day and night, always together. The two had grown close during the show, Jooheon seeing Gun as a little brother in some way's - more in others. They would openly poke fun at each other, but not necessarily to the point that you could call it 'flirting.' No, they was all Hoseok and Minhyuk, and mostly the latter at that. Or it was, before Kihyun and Changkyun showed up. Changkyun wouldn't be the type for openly flirting, he was more the type to be flirted with. Something of which Jooheon was sure he was plenty used to, and was about to become even more familiar with thanks to his two new band mates. Kihyun though, something about him made Jooheon want to study him. Observe his thoughts and watch his movements. He would have to be overly watchful of him anyway.

"I don't mind calling you Hyung, you're older than me anyway." Kihyun smiled and grabbed a ladle and a sturring spoon from the drawer beside Minhyuk's right foot. He set the ladle down on a cloth next to the stove tops for his use later, moving the other spoon into the pot and stirring without much force so the juice wouldn't bounce up the sides. Bubbles started to gather and Kihyun blew at them playfully, making some topple over the side of the red pan. "But if you don't want me to, I won't. I get feeling awkward with formal addressing, I never let Changkyun call me 'hyung' past the first time."

Minhyuk nodded, wondering how that went over between the two. Based on how the pair acted towards each other now, he somewhat couldn't imagine anything ever being awkward between them, even though he knew all relationships started out somewhat stiff. His first encounter with Hyunwoo, for example, was extremely unpleasant. -  _"You scare me," Minhyuk let slip from his lips without second thought, before realizing that probably wasn't the best thing he could've said. He was going to be spending months with this man, and he just single handedly told him he was scared of him; what a fool he was. "I shouldn't scare you. I'm not scary."_ \- "We dropped formalities during the second mission on NO.Mercy, it just seemed better that way. Yoonho would still say 'hyung' from time to time, but it wasn't ever anything we couldn't correct."

A cloud of steam started to rise from the pot before Kihyun turned the knob back to a still  _off_ level. Placing a blue bowl on the counter to the left of Minhyuk, Kihyun took the ladle and spooned a few scoops into it before looking back at the silent two. "Would you like any?" Jooheon nodded eagerly, making Kihyun chuckle lightly. Hyunwoo politely declined with a small smile tracing over his lips. Kihyun took another bowl, this one pink, from the same cabinet he got the first one from and spooned another four scoops into it. Opening the drawer to his left blindly, he gripped two table spoons and pulled them out, opening the flavor pack with his free hand and teeth. "Here."

Taking the bowl with a grateful bow, Jooheon grimaced at the pain in his right hand, the spot where he had scraped it during practice the day before burning at the contact with the steaming plastic. With a hint of alarm crossing his features, Kihyun grabbed the bowl again and set it to the side, immediately grasping Jooheon's hand in his and studying the cut. "It'll get infected if you don't wrap it for the first few days after you've cut it. It looks recent, it probably happened yesterday or the day before. I won't make you wrap it now since it's probably too late, but be more careful next time." Kihyun rambled on for a bit, an old habit that he still remained unable to break. Jooheon took this time to watch Kihyun. The contours in his face, his plump lips and how they held a soft pout when he was dissatisfied. It made the elder happy that this boy was worrying about him to the extent he was. The group had always been somewhat closer than some other groups in the industry, one encounter sticking out to him distinctly.

  _"It's really all for the show, we're not as close as everyone thinks we are. The majority of us don't even consider each other friends, rather just work acquaintances." Jooheon stared at the female idol standing in front of him with confusion lacing his features. Wouldn't that become uncomfortable? Not being friends with people you spend near every waking moment with? That was the moment he promised himself that when the official group was formed, he would do everything in his power to get them as close as he could. It would be a task, but one that would be worth it in the long run._

Kihyun looked up at Jooheon from under his eyelashes after catching himself before he could go on, a soft grip still holding Jooheon's hand. He had formed an overall very motherly aspect from Baekhyun, and although he was thankful for it at times, this wasn't one of them. Since he had the habit of connecting himself with people rather quickly, Monsta X was going to be victim whether any of them liked the idea or not. Though, Kihyun noticed, Jooheon didn't look even the slightest bit distasteful. Rather, he was enjoying it. Usually people told Kihyun that he needed to take a step back. " _Quit being so suffocating, I don't have to tell you every second of the day where I'm at. You're not my mom._ " That particular conversation had upset him rather greatly, him refusing to care about anyone for months on end. Eventually Changkyun had sat him down and forced him to talk about his feelings, giving reassurance when it was called for. The youngest has always been good at things involving feelings or emotions. It wasn't something Kihyun could really wrap his head around. How he always knew when he needed to be cuddled and to just cry, or when he needed everyone to back off for a night or two. It was reliving, having someone who just  _knew_ in his life.  

"I'll be more careful next time, you'll have to wrap it for me though," with this Jooheon smiled shyly, that being a bit of a bold move if Kihyun took it in the way he was wanting him to. The younger chuckled and nodded in conformation, a small yes falling from his lips. He let go of Jooheon's hand and the other was slightly disappointed in the loss of contact, before grabbing his ramen bowl back and starting to eat. "You should probably call Hoseok, he'll get butt hurt if he finds out we ate ramen without him." This was already a plan in Kihyun's mind, though, that being why he had made an extra few packages of the cheap noodles.

Kihyun pre-made Hoseok's bowl, knowing there would be no way the older would deny being given ramen. Pink slippers slid over the floor and he made his way to Changkyun and his' shared room, pushing open the door without knocking. Hyungwon was lying on their shared bed, Hoseok partially on top of him while having his head nestled in the crook between Hyungwon's shoulder and neck. Changkyun was on the other side of him, his leg thrown over the lanky human in the same way Hoseok's was, their feet overlapping somewhere in the middle. Hyungwon and Changkyun had their eyes closed, but Hoseok's opened sleepily when the door creaked. Kihyun didn't want to bother the three but he knew that Hoseok would become a ball of angst if he didn't tell him about the pot of noodles in the kitchen, so he walked over and bent down so that he was hovering over Hoseok's ear. "There's ramen in the dining room, do you want some?" The other boy's ear turned red from a blush, but he paid no mind to it, instead nodding his head eagerly at the mention of his favorite food. He pushed himself up while trying not the wake the other two, but Changkyun's eyes opened with the same sleep that was previous seen in Hoseok's. Changkyun had always been a light sleeper, usually waking up whenever Kihyun left the bed before him, which was rare to say the least. The youngest looked up at Hyungwon with slight confusion, as though he didn't remember falling asleep in his arms; though it didn't seem unhappy, so Kihyun wasn't concerned. The small frame followed Hoseok's movements so that he was standing beside the bed, stumbling a bit when his bare feet hit their wooden flooring. Catching a book on his way down and causing it to slip off their bedside table with a thump, Hyungwon's eyes began to open in the exact same way as the two previous times. Usually the taller was the hardest to wake up and would sleep through anything, but Kihyun guessed he wasn't as in such a deep sleep since they had only laid down around twenty minutes ago.

A pout formed on the figure's plump lips, the same lips that all three of the other's envied desperately, though they would never outwardly admit it. Hoseok started his way toward the kitchen while Changkyun trailed behind him, leaving behind the other two to stare at each other with piqued interest. "You can stay and sleep if you want to," merely a whisper, Kihyun felt the need to reassure the elder that he could go back into the dream state he was previously in if he wanted to, but the lanky man just shook his head and clambered up off the bed, smiling at the small figure in front of him. For some reason this made Kihyun want to hold him. Cradle him in his arms and rock back and forth. Sit in his lap for hours on end and talk about his problems, cry into his neck and push his fingers through his hair. Although this was seemingly impossible at this moment and came as a shock to Kihyun, him never wanting to do anything so  _real_ with anyone except Changkyun before, he settled for grabbing Hyungwon's left hand in his right and smoothing his hair down with his free one, before dragging him into the kitchen after the other two boys. Hyungwon was confused at first, not understanding the sudden initiation of contact, but adjusted quickly. The group had stopped touching each other to the extent they usually did after finding out about the past two members' departure, it only slowly picking back up after they had left for good. It made him sad that their relationship had started to strain after something that was out of their control, but he felt Kihyun and Changkyun were going to mend them back together. Instead of taking his hand back, he laced their fingers together and walked behind the smaller with a smile on his face. 

Hoseok looked over as the two emerged from the bedroom, eyes immediately skipping down to their jumble of interlaced fingers and then back up to their satisfied faces. Usually seeing anyone touch Hyungwon besides himself and his fellow members made him agitated, but he was somewhat actually okay with this. In the bedroom, Hyungwon had asked if he could lay down on the bed and Changkyun instantly said yes, and then Hoseok had laid down with him without sparing a second thought. The youngest was left to awkwardly stand in the middle of the room before Hoseok chuckled and asked if he wanted to lay down with them. It was odd for him, as he had never offered to let anyone sleep with him and Hyungwon before - of course except his members, but not even close friends past them - so this was proving to be something quite unique. He felt an instant connection with the two younger right when they had walked into the studio, and he had questioned Hyungwon about it later on and confirmed the lanky felt the same. By the looks Kihyun, Changkyun, and Jooheon had been giving each other all night he could infer the previous maknae felt it too. Hyunwoo and Minhyuk were harder to read, Minhyuk always being overly smiley with everyone and Hyunwoo being his same awkward self. Though Hyungwon said something about a look exchanged between the two at the cafe that seemed a bit suggesting. If it was how it seemed, all five of the remaining Monsta X members felt something for the boys that they couldn't place their finger on, but Hoseok had a sudden gut instinct they would know soon enough if it kept going at the pace it was currently.

Minhyuk and Jooheon's bowls were seated in the sink, the water gently trickling into the inside of the pink bowl and filling up slowly. Hoseok was eating pleasantly, very obviously happy with the current situation. Hyunwoo was still sitting at one of the bar stools with his head resting in his hands, Changkyun leaning against his chair and partially on him. "We should just watch a movie before we start packing, something to entertain us for a bit." The room fell silent before Minhyuk started nodding eagerly, racing into the living that was connected with the dining room. The stand the TV was resting on had a cabinet under it, which the second eldest guessed, and guessed correctly, had the movies under it. "There's honestly not much down there, but we have Netflix so if you don't find anything we can j-," the pink haired boy was interrupted with a shrill screech of delight coming from the boy laying on the carpet. He wrapped his hand around a movie and yanked it out with force but still managing to not make any of the other movies fall.  Ponyo could be seen between his fingers, him holding up the blue case on display for the group to see. Kihyun chuckled while remembering Changkyun finding the movie stuffed down in a tub after exploring - more like doing parcore - inside Chanyeol's old storage room. He had the same face of delight that Minhyuk had and it made Kihyun happy to say the least, happy that someone else enjoys the movie just as much as his younger companion. "Here, I'll put it in," Kihyun walked the expanse of the room with Hyungwon in tow in seconds, taking the case from Minhyuk's hand and pressing the power button on the DVD player without a second thought. The TV always powered up whenever you were to turn anything connected to it on, including the DVD player. 'Roku' in white on a red background blinked at him brightly, at some point Hyungwon's hand slipping from his own and instead busying himself with opening the case. After he had set everything up and the screen now held the DVD's opening, the group settled themselves on the couch as tightly compacted as they could. Kihyun and Changkyun were in the middle, Changkyun once again in Kihyun's lap. Hoseok and Hyungwon were to their right, Hoseok on top of Hyungwon. The lanky figure had found Kihyun's right hand again at one point and interlaced their fingers, Changkyun claiming the shortest's other hand for himself. Jooheon and Hyunwoo were to their right, actually sitting side by side rather than on top of each other, that was the others' jobs. Minhyuk threw himself on top of the majority of the group, head eventually finding the crevice between the top of Kihyun's leg and the side of Changkyun's thigh. He seemed comfortable enough, so the pink haired man clicked the 'start' button and watched the movie spring to life.

Toward the middle of the film, Hyunwoo had looked over at Kihyun to see if he was still awake. Although he wasn't, his head leaned back and his mouth slightly open, chest rising and falling in a seem of beat with the TV's background music, Changkyun was. The youngest looked over at the eldest and watched with relaxation on his features. The other's in the group were asleep as well, or so they thought, so they watched each other with conquent interest. Letting the background music fade out, Changkyun let his eyes travel down to Hyunwoo's lips, but didn't move. It would be too hard to lean over Jooheon, Minhyuk, and Kihyun without waking any of them up. Hyunwoo understood this so he watched carefully, making sure the younger wouldn't make any stupid moves, though he couldn't of blamed him for it had he. Hyungwon was asleep as well, but the boy in his lap happened to have trained interest on this movie, not allowing himself to fall asleep. He happened to look over at the right time, catching Hyunwoo and Changkyun's gazes locked on each other. The look in Hyunwoo's eyes confirmed his earlier suspicions, Hoseok knowing that he did indeed feel it. He had secured his thoughts about Minhyuk as well, after he had picked out the movie and Kihyun had rushed forward to put it in for him, he could tell the second eldest's chest swelled.

The future was always something that scared Hoseok, especially when he would think about it at night, no one there to stop him from freaking himself out. More often than not, on those nights he would find himself nestled in Hyungwon or Jooheon's bed, crying softly with a single hand running through his hair. It's just, scary. You never know when something could go wrong. Horribly, horribly wrong. It worried him, in a sense. Not knowing. He was someone who liked to be in control. Liked to always have a plan and to know what was going on. But something was different here. Although he didn't know what was going to happen with the two additions to the group, he couldn't even force himself to be unhappy about it. He felt like everything was going to work out in a near unattainable way. They were all going to just click, and maybe something more shocking than they could imagine would be happening sometime decently soon.

As his thoughts started to take him over, Hoseok let his eyes slip shut and allowed himself to rest back onto Hyungwon's chest, nestling himself in as close as he could. Though he can't usually recall his thoughts from times like this, he hears a "maybe we could all love each other" before he slips off completely into unconsciousness. -  _Later he finds that he can, indeed, recall this one sentence of all things._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is actually one of my favourite chapters in this book. Thank you for reading, don't forget to leave a kudos if you haven't yet and a comment! I'm open to constructive criticism or sharing ideas! <3


	6. Goodnight and Good Morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been gone for quite a bit but I'm back now!! I'll be uploading the last three chapters randomly so make sure to bookmark this/subscribe to me if you want to receive a notification when I upload.

  The first to wake up out of the previously unconscious seven was Kihyun, sitting his head up with a near silent groan and peering at the TV out of the slits of his squinted eyes, light from the window to the left of the room leaking in and casting early morning shadows onto the faces of the others. Ponyo's title screen played on repeat, the young main character running along the fencing with Ponyo in tow as an opening. The only man awake brought his hand up and rubbed the back of his neck, allowing his eyes to slip shut in mild discomfort from sleeping in such a bastardly position. Running the same hand through his hair and down in face, he slowly let his eyes open again and refocus back on the body on top of him - or lack thereof. Sometime during the night - _more like morning_ \- Changkyun had slipped off of him and onto Jooheon and Hyunwoo, replacing the spot Minhyuk had once inhabited. The second eldest had claimed a position on the floor instead, knees pulled tightly to his chest and back pressed against the bottom of the love seat. The second youngest stood with ease, only having to partially wiggle out from underneath Hyungwon and Hoseok's sleeping form before making his way to the kitchen. He started up the coffee pot and rearranged the counter, going back to the living room and collecting any dishes the boys had dirtied up without him noticing. Washing them, he let a large pot of coffee brew, eventually entangling his senses with an inviting and homey scent that never failed to help him relax. Opening the cup cabinet with caution, he took out his favourite coffee cup and filled it to the brim before grabbing the book he was currently reading from the corner of the countertop and sitting down at the dining room table. Cracking open the novel and finding his place, he took out the bookmark and let himself fall back into the story, every now and then taking a sip from his cup with a small golden saxophone drawn on it and the signature "Lim Changkyun" scrawled on the bottom in messy handwriting.

-

  Hyunwoo was the next to allow his eyes to adjust to the spacious room, gently pushing what was left of Changkyun off of him and onto Jooheon before rising and padding into the dining room after spotting a lone Kihyun at the table. Kihyun lifted his head at the sound of footsteps, a look of confusion lining his face temporarily before clearing upon realizing it was only the eldest man. Large, circular glasses entered Hyunwoo's line of vision and he internally cooed, only internally because he didn't want to startle the other more than he already had. "I made coffee, you can get some if you'd like. There's milk and creamer in the fridge and sugar in the cabinet to the far left, directly above the coffee pot." Hyunwoo nodded gratefully and made his way into small kitchen, yet not small enough for one to call it a kitchenette. He surveyed the room with sleepy eyes, noticing the plants on the window seal above the sink and not having to be told to know it was Kihyun's doing. Realizing the younger hadn't told him where the mugs were, he decided to shuffle through the cabinets instead of going back to disturb the other, seeing how invested in his book he had been before the encounter merely moments before. The eldest opened the first door he could reach, it being to the hard left and as far from the coffee pot as you could get. An unappeased look graced his features when he was met with rice sheets and single packages of blueberry kool-aid, moving to the next cabinet in the line of many. Near his fourth fail to locate the mugs, Kihyun walked into the kitchen and placed his own on the counter beside the sink, giggling in his throat. "The coffee cups are in the cabinet beside the one with the sugar in it, to the direct right of the coffee pot," the boy opened the cabinet to show a collection of all different types of mugs, Hyunwoo sweeping the expanse of the small space before one in particular caught his eye. "You can use any of them, it doesn't matter which," the small man said with a distracted tone, looking through the freezer and pulling out a package of bacon and a bag of biscuits, placing them on the counter next to the coffee pot and closing the freezer door, going in to open the fridge next. Hyunwoo watched Kihyun pull out one of those large containers of twenty-four eggs before grabbing the mug he had been eyeing for the last few moments, shuffling towards the smaller male and pulling the pot out from where it had been sitting. He poured himself a decent amount and made his way to the fridge, simply grabbing the milk and holding the door open with his foot as he put just a bit into the mug in his hands along with the dark brown liquid and watched as yellow made its way up in a cloud of separation. He remembered the drawer Kihyun had gotten the spoons from the night before and got his own, only a smaller one. The two had managed to not bump into each other the entire time Hyunwoo had been making his coffee and Kihyun had started breakfast, but the eldest knew their luck wouldn't last forever so he made a split second decision to sit on the same stool he had inhabited the night before. Placing his mug on the marble surface, he spun towards the living room and watched the sleeping men - boys, in his eyes - momentarily before turning back around and resting his elbows on the table, encircling the mug with his hands and letting his eyes slip closed with sleep still dripping from his expression.

  Kihyun busied himself with making the seven of them breakfast, every so often pausing and watching Hyunwoo with amusement. The eldest drifted in and out of consciousness, resting his head on his hands before losing his balance, snapping awake and taking a drink as though nothing had happened. The first couple of times Kihyun hadn't noticed it, but when he had glanced at Hyunwoo to ask if he wanted a refill the elders head fell and his eyes opened with a mix of franticness and confusion. Kihyun had acted as though he hadn't seen anything, stifling a laugh in the back of his throat and asking about the refill as intended. The other male declined politely with the bow of his head, smiling lightly and allowing his eyes to slip shut once again. Kihyun took this time to fully take in Hyunwoo's features and smile in contentment. The room was still as the second youngest studied the other's face, the only sounds being the sizzling of the bacon and Ponyo's opening music on repeat. Yes, Hyunwoo was Kihyun's "bias," but he hadn't picked him as such just because of the way he looked. He decided upon the man because he felt a connection, though it was quite troubling because he felt that same connection with the rest of them as well. At the time, he felt it was too much to bias the whole group as he had only seen fangirls with too many emotions do such, so he rested his feelings onto the leader of the group and tried to focus there for as long as he could. Though with all five of them crashing into his and Changkyun's life so suddenly, it completely amplified the silly "connection." With them here, in his apartment, it felt real. Like this earlier connection was something tangible, like he was allowed to breathe in the boys and let his mind wrap around the thought that they actually could be  _something._

  When Hyunwoo's eye twitched from under a closed eyelid, Kihyun looked away and went back to cooking the bacon, opening the oven to check on the biscuits he had put in a bit ago. The morning went on like this, mundane and oddly domesticated for what the previous night looked like. As Kihyun continued to work on the food for the lot, one by one they began to trickle in, grabbing a cup of coffee before sitting at the bar along with Hyunwoo or on the countertop when they ran out of room. Chatter filled the apartment and Kihyun felt his chest swell, realizing just how quiet it usually was with just Changkyun and him.

  Once the food was done and on plates, Kihyun shooed the now-six away into the dining room, balancing a plate of bacon and an identical one of eggs on one arm and about to grab the thin pan of biscuits before Hyunwoo caught his wrist and picked it up himself. Kihyun smiled gratefully before nodding towards the dining room in indication for the elder to go first to which he obeyed, pushing open the cracked door with his foot and placing his coffee in front of an empty chair and the biscuits in the middle of the large table. Kihyun wasn't sure exactly why their table was big enough to seat eight people, but he nor Changkyun ever questioned it. Small talk settled on top of the seven, sleepy eyes and smeared makeup filling visions along with small smiles and short chuckles. Though this was a new experience for Kihyun, he wanted to keep it.

-

  Packing was a hassle, locating the boxes to use being the hardest part. Eventually Changkyun had to go over to their neighbor's across the hall and ask for some, only because Kihyun knew the middle aged man named Kim Namjoon would have some. He worked at a box company, beneficially, and was always willing to let the two in for a late brunch if they wanted to. After so long they had formed a friendship with the twenty-five year old, despite both being quite a bit younger than him.

  Changkyun came back with about ten boxes in tow, Namjoon slipping through the door with another ten or so. "He offered to help and I agreed since he knows his way around the apartment alright, I hope that's okay?" The boy said in a questioning tone more than a statement. Kihyun nodded without hesitation, not bothering to check with the others as he took the boxes out from under Changkyun's arms and started to build them up. Namjoon settled on the ground of the kitchen to set up the boxes along with Kihyun, eventually having twenty three decently large boxes. "Joon hyung you can start in the kitchen, there's a permanent marker on the top of the fridge so label them as you go. Kihyun and Hyunwoo can do our closet and me and Minhyuk can work on our room. Hoseok, Hyungwon, and Jooheon can start in the living room," Changkyun said without any type of honorifics following the member's names, having that discussion at the dining table earlier. The boys nodded and dispersed, all going to their assigned spots by direction of the youngest.

  With just minor hiccups occurring it went overall quite quickly and smoothly, the biggest thing being the bathroom as no more than two boys could fit in it at once. By around three the apartment was empty looking, seemly a lot larger than it had simply hours before. At one point Hyunwoo had commented on how many pairs of skinny jeans and chokers littered their closet, but Kihyun had waved him off with inconcern and a slight scoff. Namjoon had been forced to go get more boxes at some point, so when they were finished twenty six boxes were sitting in their living room along with an empty TV stand with a lack of a TV and their loveseat, all eight of them being too lazy to take apart so deciding to leave it. Kihyun had notified their landlord that they would be moving out that morning while making breakfast and apologized for the sudden and short notice. She assured him that " _it's plenty alright, please be careful Yoo, wherever you're going. And you tell that Lim boy to start eating more, you know how I feel about how skinny he's getting._ " Their landlord had always been the nicest woman, seeming far too young to own such a place but telling them she had inherited it during one of their weekly mail checks. Her name was Choi Yuna, but Changkyun would always whisper about how Moon Yuna sounded better.

  Namjoon left with a plate of leftovers from that morning and a "you're welcome" falling from his lips, the other boys beginning to carry the boxes out to the van that Hyunwoo had thought to call around thirty minutes of their finishing. Watching the other six pace in and out of the front door with caution as not to bump into one another, Changkyun allowed himself to travel the apartment with memories slowly entering his mind, a smile finding his lips and his hand the wall. He ran his fingers across it slowly, closing his eyes and swaying to the sound of 'Overthinking' by OFFONOFF that Kihyun had bluetoothed to a speaker they had left out of the 'bedroom' box.

  It was almost surreal knowing that they wouldn't be back. This had been his home for over a year. Somewhere he put his emotions into, through happiness and despair. He's sobbed and laughed and thrown things in this apartment. He's destroyed and made mistakes but he's also turned into who he is. He ended up in him and Kihyun's bathroom, staring into the mirror with a sad smile crossing his features as he thought back to all the mornings him and the older had spent in this very spot, grinning at each other while fixing their hair or brushing their teeth. Though it was surreal knowing that he would be leaving this spot, he knew that as long as he had Kihyun by his side that he was at ease.

  He heard the front door open and realized he never heard it close in the first place, too lost in his thoughts. "Changkyun, Kyunnie?" The youngest could tell the voice belonged to their second eldest and smiled by the concern lacing his vocals. He looked back at the mirror one more time, sending a grin his way and lifting his fists up in a 'hwaiting!' nature and spun on his foot, making his way out to meet the elder. As he entered the living room he watched the other step into their dining room, craning his neck to try and tell if the younger was located in the space. "Changkyun?" The one mentioned let out a chuckle, making the other spin around and let out a yelp. "Good fuck Lim Changkyun, you're going to make me have a heart attack!"

  With that Changkyun was bent over from laughing so hard, nearly folding himself entirely in half simply from the words that left Minhyuk's mouth. The elder smiled slightly, content that Changkyun was happy. "Sorry Minnie, I didn't mean to scare you. I was just making sure we didn't leave anything," Changkyun fibbed easily, feeling it wasn't necessary to tell the complete truth. Minhyuk nodded and watched the younger situate himself for a moment.

  "Minnie?"

  "Kyunnie?"

  Minhyuk hesitated with a smile stretching on his lips. The two new additions seemed to have a way to make the remaining five smile in some way. "Fair enough. Come on, the other's are waiting in the van." Changkyun nodded, fixing the black choker on his neck and taking the offered outstretched hand. They made their way to the front of the apartment, Minhyuk walking out the door but Changkyun halting to a stop just before passing over the door-seal completely. He looked over his shoulder and into the apartment one last time, internally promising to come visit Yuna sometime soon. Turning back towards Minhyuk, he saw the other had his eyebrows raised in a questioning position and all he granted the other was a nod before they finally passed through the only thing that held Changkyun back from his dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Make sure to comment and leave kudos if you liked this chapter and want another! Personally this is one of my favourite chapters, I just really like the feeling that I put into it. I'm pretty sure the last few are like this as well, so that's good.


	7. Time and Fearless Openings

The trip back was quiet but not uncomfortable, somewhat soothing if you were to ask Hyunwoo. When they arrived at their dorms the five showed the newest additions around and helped them unpack, explaining how everything worked and clearing up any misconceptions. "More often than not at least one of us ends up sleeping in someone else's bed with them, so if someone doesn't come to bed that night there's no need to worry; of course you can go find them if you'd like, just to make sure," Minhyuk explained, pointing towards the rooms and going on to who rooms with who. "Me and Jooheon room together and then Hyunwonho and Shownu room together. We decided to use our extra dorm room as sort of an extra room rather than as an actual room, but we can clear it out for you two if you'd like. Gunhee and Yoonho used to room with us so it's really whatever you'd like to do."

Kihyun felt it would be rude to ask them to clear out a whole other room for them just because they were new, and simply looking at Changkyun let him know the younger felt the same. "That's alright, you don't have to clear it out for us, we'll room with whoever." Kihyun smiled at Minhyuk, leaning on the wall to his close right. Changkyun nodded along to what Kihyun was saying, he didn't want to force the boys to do anything not absolutely required.

"Well okay then, but know we'll move the stuff out of the third room if you'd like." With no objections, Minhyuk continued. "Kyun you can room with me and Jooheonnie, and Ki can room with Hyunwoo and Hyunwonho." No one said anything in disagreement so the group dispersed to help the two finish unpacking in their selected rooms. Changkyun knew it would be odd sleeping in a separate room as Kihyun, especially since he had spent the last few years of his life sleeping in the same bed as him. Yet with how Minhyuk made it seems, he was sure it wouldn't be a problem to go sleep with Kihyun every night or vice versa if he needed to, at least until he adjusted.

-

The group met back in the living room around seven, Jooheon taking it upon himself to order take out and go pick it up. The dorm was quite obviously larger than Changkyun and Kihyun's apartment, yet managed to still feel very homey and comfortable, something that was extremely important for the second youngest. He hated for things to be awkward, it was one of those things that he felt like he couldn't stand. A pet peeve of sorts. They sat in a circle on the floor while eating Chinese food out of those fancy little tubs that Kihyun always forgot the name of, glancing up at each other for a second before looking back down and concentrating on eating. Eventually Minhyuk, like always, broke the silence with a smile and the look of an idea that Kihyun had come to know all too well in an expanse of two days. "Why don't we play a game? Like a type of twenty questions?" The boy didn't hesitate to go on, not waiting for any of the others' opinions, not like any of them were going to say no anyway. "It's basically like you get to ask surface questions like 'what's your favorite color?' or 'what's your favorite movie?' and everyone in the circle answers it, but if and when one person fails to answer in three to five seconds then the person who originally asked the question gets to ask the one that failed a deeper question that you wouldn't usually ask someone without knowing them for a bit. I've played this with a lot of my older friends, it was a really popular game back when I was in grade school."

Changkyun smiled and giggled, remembering when him and Seokwon had played the same game at lunch one day. "I'm down, it's fun." The others nodded along, Kihyun getting up and collecting everyone's empty Chinese tubs to throw away. They shuffled closer together, leaving a spot for the second youngest to come back to. "Who wants to go first?" Changkyun internally laughed at the fact that they were an average of around twenty one - excluding himself and Kihyun - and they were about to play a game meant for grade schoolers. It amused him but also made him happy, especially because this proved they really were as childish as they seemed on camera.

The second youngest returned and plopped down in his spot in between Changkyun and Hyungwon, "I will," coming from the shortest as he rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. "I'll start as generic as you can get. Favorite color? Mine's light pink and yellow." Hyungwon and Hoseok replied with 'red' at the same time, not even remotely phased by their sync. Changkyun said dark blue and pastel green like expected, Minhyuk grinning and saying pink. Jooheon's favorite was a dark blue and grey, which Changkyun high-fived him for. Hyunwoo's favorite was a nice magenta, which he had to pull up on one of the tablets they had lying on the couch.

Next was Hyungwon as they decided to go counterclockwise, him also going with something simple as "favorite movie?" Minhyuk scoffed at the use of both example questions but it soon turned into a laugh, shaking his head slowly and replying with Titanic. That sparked a conversation about what genre of movies they all liked because 'it's too hard to pick only one type of movie.' Minhyuk and Changkyun were both absolute saps for romance, the group learned. Hyunwoo had a thing for older movies like The Breakfast Club and Breakfast At Tiffany's. Kihyun was more into psychological thrillers while Hyungwon just liked straight horror. Hoseok had a liking for mystery along with romance, but refused to put himself in the sap category with the other two.

The game continued as it was for a while, no one missing the count of three seconds and the room slowly draining of all light except for a small lamp to the far right corner next to the TV. None of them turned the main light on though, the yellowish hues casted on their faces seemingly soothing. It went on like this until Kihyun missed a beat, answering in four seconds instead of three. He groaned with a smile, looking towards Minhyuk to his right with suspicion written on his petite features. The elder took a moment to size him up, clearly deciding if he wanted to ask him what was truly on his mind. "Go ahead, I know you want to ask me something. It's alright."

As if this became a confirmation in the man's mind he launched himself into the question, the rest of the groups' eyes widening except for the one's asking and the one's being asked. Kihyun had expected it to come up. Maybe not as soon as this, but he found himself completely trusting the others around him, even if he had only known them as a majority of about two days. The question asked was tough to answer, but not because he didn't want to. Just because he didn't know  _how._

"Me and Changkyun, hmm. We've never really put a label on what we have. Though we act like boyfriends, we also act like best friends. And of course your boyfriend or your girlfriend should be your best friend as well, but for us that sometimes seems where it stops; yet we both know that's not true. We met a long, long time ago. Changkyun had just moved to my town and he was in Year 2, me in Year 4. We saw each other once the first day and it was a pretty awkward encounter, I could tell I had scared him. After school I was held back to talk to a teacher for a while, and when I exited the building there he was. It was raining and the boy didn't have an umbrella, so I decided to share mine with him.

"I offered to walk him home, and he agreed after some persuading. We found out we lived right beside each other so I asked him if he wanted to stay the night and he said yes, and that's when he met Appa and Dad. Changkyun ended up skipping two grades because his other school was so far ahead, and we got lucky enough to be thrown into the same class as well. As time went on we became inseparable, refusing to ever leave the other's side. It was my first time having a real and genuine friend, and it definitely was an odd experience but not an unpleasant one.

"We eventually were assumed as a couple by our school, though this never bothered us. We didn't date anyone and never hung out with anyone except each other, so who wouldn't assume, y'know? Even I would. We had always been overly touchy with each other, giving each other pet names and everything that you would see between a couple, but we never made it official.

"Changkyun's mom kicked him out one night when we were in Year 11. It was my faul-" Changkyun stopped Kihyun before he could go on with a pained expression, interrupting him with a tut in his voice and disapproving eyes that showed Kihyun had blamed this situation on himself more than once.

"It wasn't your fault nor will it ever be. Kihyun did ask me to kiss him but I was the one that accepted. In my personal opinion neither of us were at fault, there was no reason she should've reacted like that. She flipped out when I lead him out and pecked him on the lips, especially when she saw the hickies on my neck. She told me to come back for my stuff the next day and never come back. So I didn't."

The group stared at the two for a while with wide eyes, Minhyuk's mouth sliding up in a smile before long. "I ended up moving in with Kihyun and we basically declared our love for each other. We decided to go without an official level but if anyone ever asked what our relationship was we would always just say 'together' to stop confusion. It was easier like that. So yeah, we're together," Changkyun finished with his own mirrored smile from Minhyuk's, proud of himself for finishing the story off, he had always let Kihyun tell it previous times. It was odd telling this group of boys that they were together, especially when they had practically just met. Yet he felt at ease. He felt like he could say anything and they wouldn't judge him, like they would accept him with open arms.

"What about you guys though? There's no way you're all not together, you all seems too touchy with each other." Kihyun asked the question that had been captivating his and Chankyun's own minds for months on end, even before their meeting. They never really tried to hide how touchy they were on camera, it just becoming something natural for them. They had even gone to the extent of having homosexual themes in their music videos, and it blew the two boys away.

Minhyuk took it upon himself to answer since he had asked the two the question in the first place, he felt it was only right. The sun had completely gone down, Jooheon and Hoseok leaned on the front of the couch. Hyungwon was leaned over in Hoseok's lap, Minhyuk leaning on top of Hyunwoo. The circle had slowly separated but not as a cause to becoming uncomfortable, just everyone getting situated and comfortable in their own way. "I guess you could say we're together? Of course we have the "main" couples, Hyungwonho and me and Hyunwoo, but we're all five in a sort of open relationship only. . . not open? It's strictly with each other so it's more of a poly relationship rather than an open one. Gunhee and Yoonoh we're originally part of it too but they decided to officially break-off and start their own thing together with permission. We were all eager for them to be happy so we agreed, and then they notified us of their departure. It was hard at first, not knowing exactly what was going to happen, but then you two came along and I have a feeling we're all thinking the same thing."

Hoseok started to run a hand through the hair connected to the boy in his lap, waiting for Minhyuk to pause before he interjected to avoid coming off as rude. "I've been studying everyone's behavior since yesterday night and it seems we've all quite quickly adjusted to you. We understand that this is moving all very, very fast and we also understand if you'd like to slow down, but we talked about it while you two were unpacking and we came to terms with the fact that we'd like you to be involved in our sort of relationship. We all know it's odd and not often at all do you see seven men in one relationship, especially not in Korea, but we all feel like it's worth a try. Of course, if you two only have feelings for each other then we all feel fine with pretending like this conversation never happened and going back to a relationship of five and another of two.

"We find that when we're in a relationship containing the whole group that it's somewhat harder to tell if it's just skin ship or if two or three are together outside of group activities. And since both options are wrong, we felt it would be our safest bet to just try at first. Then we all sort of ended up falling for it and developing genuine feelings. It was our own special, fucked up type of beautiful." Hoseok ended and each boy held their own smile, all directed towards another in the broken circle. Hyungwon was gazing up with Hoseok with such love that he hoped Hoseok understood exactly how he felt.

It didn't take long for Changkyun and Kihyun to come up with their decision, only taking a moment to look towards each other and grin, looking back at the others and nodding with such confidence that Hyunwoo admired them. They seemed like they knew exactly what they wanted from such a young age, and didn't allow fear to nearly ever break through on their features. It was honestly something that he knew many of their current and future fans would find themselves looking up to and wanting to love themselves. He found an odd type of pride in knowing that soon he was going to be allowed to cherish the two like he had been wanting to since the moment they walked into Starship's audition room.

The connection felt between the seven was something that quite obviously heavily confused them all, as they had never felt anything like it except for each other, and even that took months upon months to build up. It was scary and seemly impossible, yet it was happening and none of them wanted this feeling to ever go away.

"Of course we would like to be apart of it." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehe I ended up uploading the wrong chapter in this one's place but it's all good, I got it deleted and this one uploaded within twenty minutes. The next chapter is probably my favourite throughout the whole fic, so subscribe if you want to be notified when I update!  
> Please comment & leave kudos if you enjoyed, thank you for reading!


	8. The Good and the Bad, Together we Pursue

Over time they allowed themselves to learn more about each other. Knowing and experiencing the ups and downs, pushing through each and every one of them. The first time the members experienced one of Changkyun's  _stand stills,_ Kihyun wasn't there to help.

_The second eldest had explained that Changkyun had a type of neurological damage that caused him to freeze up sometimes. He had always said "it comes with ADHD" even though that wasn't necessarily true. "It's hard to admit to yourself that there's genuinely something so wrong with you that things like this happen," Kihyun had told them. "So he's always covered it up with the ADHD excuse because he actually has it so it's easy to pretend that's the source of the problem. His mother called them "stand stills" when he was younger so he doesn't much like the term, but that's the closest thing to being accurate that we can say so the doctors started to call it such as well._

_"Basically what happens is his eyes cloud over and he just sort of stops. Seokwon very commonly referred to it as "death" even though that's not what it is. It's caused by shock, high amounts of stress, sadness, and some other things but those are the most common causes. If it ever happens when I'm not around I'll need you guys to stay calm and just do what I say. I freaked out the first time it happened and it took me over an hour to calm him down, compared to now which takes me less than two minutes. You just take him by the shoulders and shake him lightly, telling him he's okay. Then after you've done that you just say "I love you. Kiss me" and he'll lean forward and kiss you. It doesn't matter who does it, just try and do it right. If it doesn't work, which has only happened once in all my time of taking care of him, call an ambulance then call me. Again, maintain calm."_

Changkyun had received a call from his mother when it had happened. He was on the couch watching TV with Minhyuk stretched out in his lap, smiling up at him and not paying attention to the screen at all. 'Shine Forever' split through the distant voices on the TV as the youngest's phone began to ring, displaying a phone number not known by his phone on the small, digital screen. "Hello?" he had answered no more than awkwardly, he had never been good at answering phone calls.

"Changkyun?" The boy's eyes widened and his breath caught, the voice all too familiar despite the fact he hadn't heard it in years. Minhyuk watched silently, pausing the TV and placing the remote on his chest. He reached up and ran his hand along Changkyun's face, remembering Kihyun's earlier words.

_"If you think he's about to go into a fit, try running a hand down his face or through his hair. It temporarily calms him down but doesn't always work. Try and not look at him pitifully, he hates that."_

"Eomma?" At this, Minhyuk's eyebrows ruffled in confusion. As they started to share more about themselves, Changkyun had talked about his mom here and there. It confused the second eldest as to how a mother could leave her child, especially over something as childish as them being gay. Kihyun and Changkyun seemed happy, based on what Minhyuk had observed, so he couldn't imagine ever leaving him because of that. "You've gotten married? You- wait wait, slow down. You're married and have a child? You're pregnant again? T-twins? I have to go, I'm sorry."

Minhyuk sat up and turned around so he was facing the boy, Hoseok and Hyunwoo had looked up from their spot on the recliner to the left of the couch. Changkyun looked confused at first, staring at the TV with his eyebrows furrowed in a replica of what Minhyuk's previously looked like. Then his face relaxed and he seemed to slip away, his hand that he had placed over the second eldest's minutes before sliding off and to his side. Minhyuk allowed himself to watch Changkyun's eyes cloud over, understanding of everything that Kihyun had every talked about concerning stand stills clicking into place. Hoseok and Hyunwoo both got up quickly as they watched the boy's face draw a blank, color draining as quickly as you could blink. They both lowered themselves on the floor in front of where the two were sitting, looking a mix of concerned and worried. "Don't look at him like that, remember what Kihyun said?"

Minhyuk pulled Changkyun's face to look towards him slightly, just so he could be on the verge of making eye contact. The overhead was off but light fell in from the window behind the recliner, washing the room in a yellowish natural light that was somewhat refreshing compared to what they were all used to. "Changkyun, you are okay." The boy placed his hands onto the youngest's shoulders and shook ever so lightly like he was instructed. He moved Changkyun's face a bit more so they were now only inches apart, knowing what he needed to do. He allowed his instincts to take over, saying and doing whatever felt right. "I'm here and you're alright. You know I'm not leaving. You're okay. I love you." He hesitated to say the last part, for some reason knowing that this time it wasn't going to work. That this was too big. Changkyun could barely talk about his mother as it is, so having her call him up randomly and tell him that she was married, had a baby, and was currently pregnant was a bit cruel.

The second eldest looked over at the two crouched down and whispered "one of you call an ambulance and the other call Kihyun, this time it isn't going to work." Hoseok pushed himself up without hesitation, Hyunwoo quick after him and the two hurried into the kitchen. Minhyuk looked back at the boy seated in front of him, "kiss me" falling from his lips at a shy placement of hope. Changkyun blinked, yet his eyes didn't clear. He didn't miraculously turn out to be okay, and that scared him. He pulled the boy into his lap by his shirt, still being the smallest in diameter out of them all and remaining extraordinarily light. Minhyuk pushed the boy's head to his chest and rocked to and fro in the pattern of 'Shine Forever' the keys rushing into his head as a poor attempt at keeping himself calm.

-

The hospital was cold and smelled like cleaning supplies, and Hyungwon wouldn't say he was enjoying it. The tall man hated hospitals with a passion, he always had. He almost hated them as much as he hated nursing homes,  _almost_. The six sat in the waiting room, the hum of a radio drifting through the air in a seemingly artificial attempt at calming the awaiting family and friends of patients. Hyungwon allowed his hands to come together in his lap, slipping in and out of consciousness throughout the night. Minutes turned into hours until time became intangible, molding together as wax would as it dried.

He surveyed the room, eyes landing on a woman with her baby. He was suddenly aware of the cry piercing through the small hum, the child's cheeks red from a very obvious fever. Along with family and friends came waiting patients as well, trying to remain patient as they wished a room would hurry and clear because of an infection or a rash or in this young lady's case, her child withholding a fever. It made Hyungwon hate hospitals even more, and he wondered why the word "hospital" occupied the beginning of hospitality when all they were was utterly sickening.

Footsteps echoed throughout the corridor and Hyungwon looked down as he popped his fingers one by one, wishing this day would come to an end and Changkyun would just be alright. He wasn't angry, it wasn't the boy's fault. Yet he couldn't stop himself from wanting to leave, to slip through that set of double doors at the front of the building and be enveloped in cool and fresh air in the midst of December. But he didn't get up and walk out. Instead he waited until the footsteps had stopped in front of him and his members and looked up, feigning interest as though he enjoyed being here. _Maybe that's why hospital is in hospitality. No matter how much you hate it, you act like you don't mind being there._

"Are you Changkyun's family?" A short nod and continuation of words Hyungwon wasn't going to enjoy hearing. "Alright, I'm going to guess you know that he has stand stills?" Looking down at his clipboard the doctor shifted through his papers until seeming to find the right page, beginning to glance over and figure out how to summarize what was written. "Changkyun has a very unique type of Cardiovascular Standstills, standstill being one word compared to how we've previously spelled it. It's basically where shock or stress causes his heart to stop, which would explain the clouding of his eyes that we've observed previously. How often does this happen?"

Kihyun met eyes with the doctor and gave a sad smile, nodding along with his words. "Only once every few months. Sometimes it can be once a month and other times it can be once a year, it just depends on how much emotional strain he goes through."

"And when was the last time this happened?"

"Around two and a half months ago." Hyungwon looked over at Kihyun, watching him explain what had happened the last time. He told him how he usually clams him down, the doctor humming whenever he deemed necessary and nodding along, writing down whatever Kihyun was saying. Hyungwon noticed he looked tired. They had been working extremely hard on their most recent comeback, it dropping November 7th. The two had been working the hardest out of the whole group, trying to seem lovable and trained and experienced yet also trying to express themselves thoroughly. Changkyun easily climbed to the top of the biased list, ranking over Minhyuk for most biased. Kihyun had climbed a bit, surpassing Jooheon and Hyunwoo but stopping there. Many fans had commented on how talented he was but that he was a bit angry and aggressive, comparing him to an ajumma. Even with Monbebes feeling this way, they absolutely loved him. Both new members were eagerly accepted by the fans and praised near constantly. Hyungwon knew how it was being new to a group and stepping into unknown territory, so he swore to himself to look over Kihyun from that day on.

"With how it's looking and with how frequently it's happening, there doesn't seem to be any damage being done. What he has is rare and we've only seen around three cases of it within Korea, so we don't know exactly how to treat it yet. We'd like to bring him back for a day of testing once every few months just to make sure his health is all right, but besides that he should be fine going home tonight if he wishes." Kihyun stood and smiled at the doctor, bowing politely and shaking his hand. "His room is 245 on the third floor, feel free to go up and see him while I fill out his paperwork." Doctor Lee walked away, the click of his feet echoing throughout once again. The five stood and started walking towards the elevator, but not before Kihyun had told Hyungwon that he could wait in the car if he'd like to.

"I know how you are in hospitals, now go on." The taller smiled the first genuine smile that night and nodded, scampering out of the building as fast as his legs would take him. The remaining walked in silence to the elevator, Kihyun clicking the  **third floor**  and waiting.

Jooheon looked at the space's ceiling, spying the door which led to the top of the box in which they stood. It had all happened so fast for him, hearing the door open harshly and "the ambulance has arrived!" come from their leader's lips. He wandered out of his room to investigate before his arm was gripped and he was being tugged out the dorm's door and down the stairs to the front of the building, the ones in which they never usually used as an exit. He was shoved into the ambulance along with the other five conscious boys, Changkyun laying with his eyes wide open on the center cot in the middle of the automobile. "Changkyun's having a stand still, Kihyun's on his way to the hospital." The previous maknae nodded, still slightly confused but overall understanding the situation. He looked over at Hyungwon, knowing how much his hyung hated hospitals. Hyungwon had looked up and caught Jooheon's eye, giving him a reassuring smile as if to say "I'm okay," even if he wasn't.

A ding broke through his thoughts as the elevator came to a stop, Hoseok letting up his grip on the safety bar traveling along the expanse of the small space's walls. Hoseok hated elevators. The filed out one by one of the box, looking at the signs until they had reached the  **240 to 260** corridor. The walls were a muted white, the lights and the floors all the same. It even made Jooheon uncomfortable, and he was fine with hospitals. They stopped at 245's seal, knocking lightly before pushing open the large wooden door which was made big enough to push a wheelchair through. Changkyun had been put on Level 3, or floor three as said by Doctor Lee, which was the mental health level, so he was all alone. They had run out of room on Level 4 which was where he belonged and decided to shove him wherever they could, knowing he needed help immediately.

The five circled the boy's bed as he blinked up at them, a delicate smile filling his features with such simplicity. Jooheon wondered how the boy managed to be so happy all the time, even when something like this was happening. Jooheon was sad a lot, this was known throughout the dorm. If Jooheon is having a bad day, give him space (unless you're Changkyun). Jooheon was diagnosed with depression when he was around fifteen. He had written many songs about it, planning to possibly release a mixtape with some of the tracks featured on it, similar to Yoongi from BTS which Kihyun had grown close to over the past two months.

Blackness with sprinkles of white filled the sky, the air growing colder as time progressed into the night. Jooheon sat down on the edge of Changkyun's bed, looking out of the window shadowed by the light of the bedside table lamp. Hyunwoo had turned off the overhead light when they had walked in, clicking on the small one to the right of the boy. Hyunwoo had migraines which caused him to have a strong hate for bright lights because they sparked the sudden headaches. Changkyun said nothing as he knew the eldest's reasoning, and didn't ask where Hyungwon was as he knew the answer to that as well. Minhyuk pulled himself up onto the bed on the opposite side of Jooheon, crawling up beside Changkyun and eventually laying beside him, resting his head on the boy's chest. "I was so scared. Earlier, I mean."

Changkyun looked down at the back of the man's head, running a single hand through his hair and turning down the TV with his other. The other four looked at the two, remaining silent as they knew this was just a conversation for them, at least for now. "I know you were. And I'm incredibly thankful you helped me. I know it must've been scary." Minhyuk nodded and rubbed his face against Changkyun's collarbone, whipping away the tears that began to fall. Minhyuk has anxiety.

Hoseok nodded and smiled, coming forward and shoving himself on the bed beside Minhyuk. The small bed was a double, only meant for one patient at a time, yet all six filled up and cuddled on it, making it work.

More time passed in a comfortable silence, eyes drifting shut and the rising and falling of chests becoming the only major movements between any of the boys. The TV remained paused, a timer on the top right of the screen displaying "33:45, 33:46, 33:47, 33:48, 3-" the lamp turning off on it's own after thirty minutes, which was set by default.

A nurse walked in, coming to tell Patient Lim that he was allowed to leave at this time. She paused herself for a moment, becoming as still as the TV had been for 45 minutes now. A smile grew on her face and she watched the group for a while, not wanting to disturb them. Eventually she knew she had to wake them as her name could be heard echoing down the hallway in a call of impatience. "Changkyun, hon, wake up now. It's time to go home." She shook the boy's shoulder as best she could without waking the other's up, or trying to. Hoseok opened his eyes steadily, smiling at the woman in front of him who continued to try and wake the boy without realizing he had awoken. "Patient Lim?"

"I've got it Miss, thank you." Hoseok sat up, slowly pushing a Jooheon from his lap and onto the floor. Jooheon sat up with a confused face, his eyes still closed as he groaned to himself. The nurse smiled and bowed, shuffling out of the room before letting out a laugh. "Luna Kim" could be heard again, her head snapping up and silencing her laughter before quickly making her way back to the head nurse.

Jooheon had collected himself and was waking up Hyunwoo, Hoseok working on Kihyun and Minhyuk. One by one they started to open their eyes, Hyunwoo shielding his pupils from the light at first. Changkyun was the last to wake, but the quickest out the door. It was easy to tell he was ready to go home. Hoseok watched the other's trail out behind him, being the last one to slip through the door before being stopped by a mirror on the wall directly across from Changkyun's room. He stared for a while, his lip curling up in disgust as he let his eyes travel the expanse of his body before landing and staying on his lips. He hated them, so much, to the point he was considering surgery. Hoseok had body dysmorphia. One after another the things began to pile up, everything he hated about himself. Starting from his ears and going to his nose, his feet, his hands, his arms, his thighs, and everything in between. It was tiring, but his members helped him a lot. Helped him feel better about himself. Changkyun walked into his vision, stepping into the reflection on the mirror as well. He looked up at Hoseok, waiting for the elder to look at him. They both turned to where they were facing each other, the mirror only being able to catch their sides as they stared into each other's eyes. "You're absolutely beautiful, Shin Hoseok. You're beautiful and amazing and completely and utterly irreplaceable."

Hoseok smiled at the youngest's words, wondering what he had done for whoever was up there to grant him with such amazing people. Changkyun had just been dismissed from the hospital and he was already back to worrying about his members. This made Hoseok's heart skip a beat, how one could be so humble, especially at such a young age. It blew Hoseok away, so in order to show his appreciation he allowed his arms to slip around Changkyun's back and press his body forward, bending down and placing their lips together.

This was the first time any of them besides Kihyun had kissed him, and Changkyun felt it was only up from here. He smiled against the elder's lips, teeth grazing the skin lightly. "I'm so proud of you." Hoseok whispered, pulling Changkyun's further forward and pressing his lips just a bit harder, hard enough for Changkyun to kiss back. They stayed like that for a while, pressed against each other and kissing over and over again, captured in something that could be described as pure bliss. This feeling was something that came with love, Hoseok and Changkyun both knew it.

The younger was the first to pull back, whispering how the others have been waiting for them for a while now and they should probably get going. Hoseok buried his face into Changkyun's neck before nodding, grasping onto his hand and interlacing their fingers while pulling the boy out and to the elevator. "We can take the stairs."

"I love you."

Changkyun looked back up in shock, taken aback by the sudden outburst. It made his heart pickup, him completely forgetting that it hadn't been working less than five hours ago. He smiled and nodded, not having to say it back for Hoseok to know that his feelings were requited. The two walked to the stairs hand in hand, Changkyun resting his head on Hoseok's shoulder. They reached the van within eight minutes, shuffling into the cramped space with smiles resting lightly on their features.

Changkyun entered his thoughts as the van traveled back to their dorm, the other six haven fallen asleep. He rested his head against the window as he located the passenger seat, watching the electricity wires go up and down as they connected the large, wooden poles. He looked up at the moon, dismissing his own reflection for a beat of a second. A memory from the previous month resurfaced in his mind and he smiled, focusing on the moon as it slowly made its way to the right of his vision.

_"Hyunwoo has migraines, Minhyuk has anxiety. Hyungwon has polyphobia and Kihyun is severely self-conscious. Jooheon has depression and Hoseok is both afraid of elevators and has body dysmorphia. I have stand stills. Through all this, we will make this work. We will love each other and everything about each other, love our ups and our downs. We will loves the positives and the negatives, the flaws and everything in between. We will be okay."_

Changkyun inwardly corrected "stand stills" to "cardiovascular standstills" and smiled, knowing that as long as he was with them, that he was okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my favourite chapter out of this whole book! I'm personally really proud of how this one came out as I spent a long time fucking around with it, so I hope you all enjoyed it! Don't forget to leave kudos and a comment if you liked it, thank you for reading! <3


	9. Your Before and My After {A Short Epilogue}

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months. Months eventually turned into a year and they were celebrating their anniversary together, September fifth of twenty eighteen being the mark of one year together as a group and September sixth being the mark of one year together in a relationship.

They had expected it to start out rocky, confusing, and awkward, somewhat even scary. Yet they were met with genuine feelings and raw emotions, nothing but love and compassion. Though they were quite open about their feelings for each other, the first time the two ever said the three words that can change everything within the expanse of seconds, words that could either push them away or bring them together, was a day extremely vivid in all their memories. 

It was about five months into them being together, all of them were lying on the couch and watching Ponyo at Minhyuk's request. They had gotten the day off because Jooheon had injured his hand and their manager was giving them a bit to tend to his injury. Kihyun had made ramen and coffee for the lot of them before they all settled down on the couch - a larger one than his and Changkyun's that they had left at the apartment - and started the movie. Nostalgia hit Kihyun in the face like a brick and he smiled, eyes glossing over as he remembered how far they had come. He looked to his right first and studied Hyungwon and Hoseok's faces, then turned to his left and watched Jooheon, Minhyuk, Hyunwoo, and Changkyun. He tightened his hand around Hyungwon's as the sudden realization hit him that he was absolutely in love with these six men more than he had even been in love with anyone else, which was no one but _still_.

Picking up the remote from off his thigh, he clicked the pause button and Minhyuk was the first one to look over at him, located at the very end of the couch to his left. He cocked his eyebrow in a questioning sense like he always did but didn't look displeased, just confused.

"I know this is going to seem pretty random, but I just felt the need to tell you all that I have fallen absolutely and hopelessly in love with you all and I hope we can be together for a long, long time." Kihyun ended his statement rushed and pushed the play button, focusing back on the TV and acting as though he hadn't said a thing. Of course Hoseok was never going to let that stand as he snatched the black remote back, smashing the red pause button once again and the screen freezing on Ponyo's smiling face.

Hyungwon was laughing lightly and Changkyun was burrowing himself into Kihyun's side, beginning his own statement. "I decided to not say anything until Kihyun did so I wouldn't feel as though I was moving too fast, but frankly I've known that I was in love with you all since around the first week. We just fit so  _perfectly_ together, like we were meant to meet and make the decision we did. I feel like I would have a piece of me missing if any of you were to ever leave, and I'm extremely happy with the circumstance that we have going currently. So yes, I love you."

The seven boys stayed quiet for a while, each most likely working through every cloud in their minds. This was the first time either of the two boys in the middle of them had uttered the words, and although it was new, it was definitely a feeling that the other five wanted to get used to as soon as possible. "We love you too, if that's even a question right now," Hoseok laughed, the five jumping onto the two boys and grinning at each other.

No matter how new this feeling was, no matter how many times they questioned their actions and wanted to take back their promise of staying together forever, they never did. They withstood everything and managed to maintain all feelings. Though the before and the after were two very different things, the seven couldn't help but prefer the after they had awaited for so long.

It was their own special kind of love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the end!! I worked on this for around three to four months and I can't say I'm unhappy with the result. Although the first couple of chapters are a bit rocky I plan to go back and fix them soon (probably rewrite them) so don't worry about that. If you'd like to get a notification for the updated version/all my other stories and updates, the subscribe button can be located on my profile. Please give kudos if you liked it and leave a comment if you have anything to say!


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